Sunday, May 13, 2012
It's funny how, with stereotypes ...
... people are more concerned about getting nuances and habits down more than getting it right.
Why oh why does this always happen to me!?
I was very much a perfectionist, but people always picked into me to death thinking I wanted something. Maybe, they know I wasn't a perfect baby. Something awkward always happens to me. It's not fun. I wanted a real life experience.
Tomorrow Morning
I think I should call my grandma in the morning and wish her a Happy Mother's Day. I have a funny feeling about today. She seems to want it to be special for my mom and wondered why we called her all these years. She will assume I am asleep.
"The Ellen DeGeneres Show" - the Videos Online
I was looking at her website and looked under when it's on in your area.
http://ellen.warnerbros.com/about/whenitson.php
Underneath the map, it shows a link to watch videos
http://ellen.warnerbros.com/videos
and seems to show the shorter parts of her on her show.
http://ellen.warnerbros.com/about/whenitson.php
Underneath the map, it shows a link to watch videos
http://ellen.warnerbros.com/videos
and seems to show the shorter parts of her on her show.
Resurrecting|Reconstructing the Past
I'm wondering what I should have done differently in high school when I was 16. I already am over what happened when I was 14. Okay, this is what it would have been like. I used to write about this over and over! There are different details as to what happened.
APG = Advanced Placement | Gifted
H = Honors
1. English IV APG
2. Advanced Math | Trigonometry APG
3. American History H
4. Physics H
5. Foreign Language II
6. Talented Music
7. Talented Theater
activities: ballet
next year
I moved schools to take English V.
1. English V APH
2. Calculus APH
3. World History
4. Health | Civics
5. Religion IV
6. Free Period?
7. Free Period
8. Music School in New Orleans - (Classical) Music H
activities: ballet
College
1. Honors English I - 3
2. Honors History I - 3
3. Ballet Repertory - 3
4. Recital Hour - 0
5. Freshman Voice Lab - 0
6. Major Ensemble - 1
7. Minor Ensemble - 1
8. Voice - 2
9. Theory I - 4
___
17
:'( I don't know if things worked out for the best. I mean, I can kinda play the violin.
APG = Advanced Placement | Gifted
H = Honors
1. English IV APG
2. Advanced Math | Trigonometry APG
3. American History H
4. Physics H
5. Foreign Language II
6. Talented Music
7. Talented Theater
activities: ballet
next year
I moved schools to take English V.
1. English V APH
2. Calculus APH
3. World History
4. Health | Civics
5. Religion IV
6. Free Period?
7. Free Period
8. Music School in New Orleans - (Classical) Music H
activities: ballet
College
1. Honors English I - 3
2. Honors History I - 3
3. Ballet Repertory - 3
4. Recital Hour - 0
5. Freshman Voice Lab - 0
6. Major Ensemble - 1
7. Minor Ensemble - 1
8. Voice - 2
9. Theory I - 4
___
17
:'( I don't know if things worked out for the best. I mean, I can kinda play the violin.
So, some people think ...
... doing the arts in college is just talking about something everyone does, feel or something.
When I Was 16 in High School
My dad said I could just stay home and hang out because I was having a hard time though usually got all A's.
I had in my subconscious...
...the idea that I should just stay home and not go to college. It seems feasible that I get a part-time job because it's what people do. It's fun. In my station, I get more money. ... but, no, Orlando isn't friendly! In a way, it is, but when you really meet people it isn't often.
My Brother
Well, my brother is home from college. That's probably why. I have to steer away it seems. I have to change my schedule. I don't know how much I feel like watching TV, eating, or ironing when he's in the living room. Normally, it would be okay, but everything has been so different since moving to Orlando. I think it's because I had to quit college. I didn't work, but my brother did, too. People had treated me differently since I was kicked out of my major.
I usually get excited about calling my grandma on Mother's Day.
However, I don't think I should barge in, this year. I've been feeling mellow and just want time alone and with my family. I did enjoy calling her every day, but I think something has happened to me and I need to take a break. Maybe, one day, I'll be active and call her like every day again. It's sad to me, but I have problems.
Bad Words
So, for the past 2 1|2 years, I've been living about the fact that I just thought a couple wanted me to call their 2-year-old daughter the "n" word online as an ice breaker and to make the word seem fun. Someone should have told me, if they knew and didn't want me to do it and would hurt me if I did. I deleted it, anyway, pretty quickly, and have a feeling no one other than some close relationships in a way saw. I honestly think in a way there was nothing wrong with things like that, but now I know it just isn't necessary. I was kinda called the "n" word symbolically by the family, and they'd been at me, it seemed. I wouldn't go out of my way and bring up the word. I don't think it's okay, in a way, but for some reason it makes sense that I'm innocent. I was made to believe the father was online calling me bad things about my race replying I wasn't white. Supposedly, I'm supposed to accept that, though. That's what doesn't make sense. I accept things like that, now, but people sneer at me in sarcasm because I learned the hard way. Go ahead, please call me the "n" word and don't feel bad about it. It's bound to be what happens sooner or later. Better yet, I'll try to go on and hope nothing bad happens and don't recommend that curse words and words that mean "stupid" be used.
... and, then, some cakes and tea!
... Order what you will. There'll be no bill. It's complimentary.
My mom asked me to have Mother's Day cake, but I had to take a shower. Then, she asked me to have tea, when I was done. I'll have supper later, when my parents go to bed.
My mom asked me to have Mother's Day cake, but I had to take a shower. Then, she asked me to have tea, when I was done. I'll have supper later, when my parents go to bed.
YouTube
I've linked my old YouTube to my new YouTube. I might go around and link more sometime.
http://www.youtube.com/ChristinaXXBarrett
http://www.youtube.com/ChristinaXXBarrett
1 Chance
You know, no one else has benchmarks on how to treat me. For some reason, my brother seemed upset with me, and then I felt upset. Because I felt upset and a bad word came to mind, I think he's gonna start staying up even later, regularly. How annoying is that? I wish I could remember what made him upset. What's really annoying me is that everyone is giving me chances when they were mean 1st. I can't believe that people would all desert me, but I got more popular online. They don't know how to live and don't realize how they treat me. I realize I made a wrong move in spamming them, though. They were driving me insane not answering. I was at home with nothing to do and was too lame to work. The noises around me all bothered me. I guess I was crazy. I was addicted. It was kinda like forwarding, but how I wrapped it up was by saying I just didn't finish what I was saying. Sometimes, some people write more. It could be seen as making sense, but I'm just sorry I did it at least. Well, so, that's not the only problem I had...
Supper
I felt encouraged by my mom to stay up last night, though my dad was the one who said see you tomorrow though he said he's going out alone to pick out my new alarm clock. So, I caught up on sleep on a day I'm not on my meds. Next, my dad wants me on a small dosage every day. No one can force me to take it, technically, so I could just stop. I think my dad wants me off it gradually, as he said.
Anyway, it seems different now that my brother is here. I know I let him alone with my parents a lot. I guess this'll be 3 months in my room more, eating supper late and stuff, with maybe 1 or 2 breaks in between when my brother goes somewhere. I don't feel too funny about not having supper. I just don't understand why I didn't take a shower and do my nails. I probably would have gone to sleep, maybe, and woken up for Mother's Day supper, though the Mother's Day meal was yesterday. So, this isn't a great loss to me. I feel bad, but I think my family is okay. They care about my brother, too, and got him.
Anyway, it seems different now that my brother is here. I know I let him alone with my parents a lot. I guess this'll be 3 months in my room more, eating supper late and stuff, with maybe 1 or 2 breaks in between when my brother goes somewhere. I don't feel too funny about not having supper. I just don't understand why I didn't take a shower and do my nails. I probably would have gone to sleep, maybe, and woken up for Mother's Day supper, though the Mother's Day meal was yesterday. So, this isn't a great loss to me. I feel bad, but I think my family is okay. They care about my brother, too, and got him.
I just caught up on a lot of sleep.
For some reason, I feel uncomfortable around my family. I don't know why I didn't miss dinner. I know I have a feeling my family wants me in my room. My brother is home from college. He's going on some trips, though, I think. I feel funny about going out now. That shouldn't be, but it is. Sometime tonight, I'll have to scrub this kind of nail polish off I have. I have a lot of laundry to iron, too. My brother stayed up later, last night, as well, so I don't know when I'll be doing my stuff, exactly.
Ellen DeGeneres has ...
... German, English, and Irish, too. That reminds me of me mixed with French culture but having those muffin races.
So, what is it?
When I move a certain way, I'm guessing it stimulates you. Those are times when I am not stimulated.
Real New Orleans
I think Ellen DeGeneres is really like from New Orleans, from the area. You might think I have a strange look about me. I know her last name is French. I don't think she is all French on either side. I am far from it. I have Norwegian-French-Irish on my dad's dad's last name and dad's mom's last name, strangely enough. I feel more like I'm shaped like a bubble than a person. Being from Florida, it's like that.
The ... Story ... of ... My ... Life
You may think, hey, I'm a New Orleans girl. I lived in a suburb there for only 6 years plus college downtown for 2 years. The whole time, I wanted to hold onto being from Florida. There is a ripple of pain when you always are coming to terms with the fact that you as a person are not from New Orleans, though you're there. I don't know. Like, I know people from places other than Florida hold roots in certain places more. It's something like that, anyway. Who knows what would have happened if I did not will this. I was proud of being from Florida. You could tell how sarcastic I was when you asked where in the world I might be from. I don't know about Orlando, but Florida is pretty awesome. I do enjoy being in northeastern Florida, though I am not from there originally. I feel pressured in southeastern Florida from the jealousy. You know, there's a thing about being from southeastern Florida that is like being from up north. It's considered better than northeastern Florida, though northeastern Florida is considered better than anywhere else.
Aw, this was supposed to be a night for me to watch "Grease."
I ended up playing around with my accounts and watching the night go by doing different things.
My Photobucket
I was gonna get rid of the ads for $3, but I don't have any money on my card. I spent it on the vampire costume. I might be able to put money on it, today.
Behind My Back
People now act like they didn't, but I know they made the decision to go behind my back and not let me live life as well before in my relationships. Why not? It's there. I know I'm right, though.
If I already knew...
...the circumstance of thinking a couple wanted me to call their 2-year-old daughter the "n" word online to make the word seem fun, then what's there to teach me? I already have the benefit of knowing not to listen when people try to cut me short like that.
The message just wouldn't stop.
I was already crazy posting online to people I think stalking my habits.
Guilt
You were called the "n" word. So what? You weren't made to believe you were guilty of calling someone that who wanted to for fun but wanted you to do it as a hint a lot.
It probably seems romantic...
...to think someone wants to call each other the "n" word for fun. I didn't get called back, so I feel bad, but now we realize it doesn't feel good to promote that kind of behavior. It might be nice to know me the little girl is innocent.
I know whose fault it is...
...back in December 9, 2009, we didn't have it set up that if someone was trying to send you messages to call them the "n" word that you don't do it.
Antsy
Some people have been getting antsy about me in defense of others. Me getting mad sometimes is what ruins it. Some people are just antsy about it. Like, I guess it shouldn't happen, but I shouldn't be punished for it. It's not my fault. My kids won't be like that!
My Grandma
She's been having me call her every day for about a year. She's helped me a lot, but strangely when my brother came home is when we let off. I thought someone was stalking me online when my brother started college, too.
Not Much Time
There was an interesting turn of events in 2011. So, in a way, it's not so much time. Still, me thinking a couple wanted me to call their 2-year-old daughter the "n" word online to make the word not scary early on ... what was I gonna say? ... is not reason to steal my life like jail. I lost the feeling of what I was saying when I retyped what happened. It seems that the fantasy of me being tortured is going away and has for some time. Also, in 2010, I was in the mental hospital for a month. So, I was coming to terms with that actually happening, probably. I've been to one before. Never go there! It was okay when I was 16, but in Orlando it was horrible! I know it's better when you're under 18, too, though. It just seems like my life has stopped up since I was recommended out of my major and had to leave school from not being able to focus.
I seem to be in trouble for...
...not trusting people to be nice with me because usually these kinds of people get attacked. Some people just know a lot about what's going on. I wonder what it is.
Strange
It's strange how this's wrapped up so conveniently at this time. Things are still not so hot, though. I had problems already. My life is still in line, somehow. It wasn't for awhile. I'm feeling better all the time, in ways. I dieted for awhile, but I guess I just needed to quit eating pizza all the time.
So, what happened was...
...I thought the couple wanted me to call their daughter the "n" word on the internet to make the word seem like just another word early on. Why would I actually sit there and believe that? I have other issues about not doing things like that, too. I am into being different, and I had ingrained in my head that curse words were okay, in a way, if they are not used against other people, at the time. I think it was ingrained years back. It was like a plan for one day. So, this message was not good. I was ready to live. I was already 23 1|2. Now, I'm gonna be 26. I regret this happening, but my life has also improved in some ways. I regret it, anyway, for what it is, of course. I'm a bit mad, though, that this has affected my life. This was a special time for me, but it's not so special anymore. I guess it was kinda okay but not all I dreamed. I am strangely happy to have discovered that I like "The Ellen DeGeneres Show." So, I lost 2010, 2011, and 1|2 of 2012. Now, that's a lot of time, almost as long as it was since coming home from college.
Something I Didn't Do
No, I always was a good person. The only reason I was saucy and snooty was because people wondered what life was if we were all good and there was no bad, like what happened and why doesn't it seem as exciting at 1st, like what happened to all the drama and fantasy about being good and having bad guys to defeat. So, that deals with that.
People think there is some stone left unturned, but I have seen magic. I get messages from other ways of life. Or got. I decided to experience this side of reality, basically, go back and set things right.
People think there is some stone left unturned, but I have seen magic. I get messages from other ways of life. Or got. I decided to experience this side of reality, basically, go back and set things right.
The Problem
The problem with me solved from going to the New Orleans area was the little things, like eating and people being nice. In Florida, it was like about safety and being cool and understanding your wealth.
My Picture
Picture
I was wondering if it was too flamboyant.
I also wonder, since I thought a couple really|maybe wanted me to call their 2-year-old daughter the "n" word online to make the word seem not so scary, that I shouldn't be looking so hot. With other people, I do believe in forgiveness. I understand with me people are uncomfortable. I've lost some qualities about how I look that I liked, but apparently I've gained others. The couple does not wish ill on me. No one does, ultimately. I probably will tone down, but in a way I already have. That's probably what's happening. On me, the look doesn't look natural in some ways. I wish I looked more like that. I feel I'm developing qualities of where I'm from where I no longer live. Why does it look so much like I'm from New Orleans and not Orlando? That's because it matters that I didn't always live here. Orlando is a real place, even though the people here seem downtrodden, perhaps from the many insults I've thrown at in, which weren't really insults but defenses in how I was treated as far as racism goes. I stay home and get stronger, too. I do still like going out, though. I guess I'm not so much since my brother is home from college and I'm clearing the way from the house some it seems. It's so hard to believe it's true it's like I'm from New Orleans or the area now living in Orlando. In New Orleans, I was always the Floridian but not in a cool way. The possibilities are endless! It's hard being from a big city, probably how I got into trouble, yea. I just wanted to be safe and live in a small town. Now, I want to be a famous movie actress, but who doesn't? So, I guess we'll just see how things go and just keep going and hope nothing comes up. At least, I will. I can't expect other people to look after me. Time for a snack!
I was wondering if it was too flamboyant.
I also wonder, since I thought a couple really|maybe wanted me to call their 2-year-old daughter the "n" word online to make the word seem not so scary, that I shouldn't be looking so hot. With other people, I do believe in forgiveness. I understand with me people are uncomfortable. I've lost some qualities about how I look that I liked, but apparently I've gained others. The couple does not wish ill on me. No one does, ultimately. I probably will tone down, but in a way I already have. That's probably what's happening. On me, the look doesn't look natural in some ways. I wish I looked more like that. I feel I'm developing qualities of where I'm from where I no longer live. Why does it look so much like I'm from New Orleans and not Orlando? That's because it matters that I didn't always live here. Orlando is a real place, even though the people here seem downtrodden, perhaps from the many insults I've thrown at in, which weren't really insults but defenses in how I was treated as far as racism goes. I stay home and get stronger, too. I do still like going out, though. I guess I'm not so much since my brother is home from college and I'm clearing the way from the house some it seems. It's so hard to believe it's true it's like I'm from New Orleans or the area now living in Orlando. In New Orleans, I was always the Floridian but not in a cool way. The possibilities are endless! It's hard being from a big city, probably how I got into trouble, yea. I just wanted to be safe and live in a small town. Now, I want to be a famous movie actress, but who doesn't? So, I guess we'll just see how things go and just keep going and hope nothing comes up. At least, I will. I can't expect other people to look after me. Time for a snack!
Lately From Orlando and New Orleans
I live in Orlando now. I've been in this area for 6-7 years, Orlando for 4-5 years. I lived in a New Orleans suburb for 6 years and went to college in New Orleans for about 2 years.
Orlando
New Orleans
Orlando
New Orleans
Copying Other Parents and Influencing Me
Why doesn't my dad think my mom made me the silly baby I was?
Also, just because other parents claim their kids are bad, that doesn't mean you can do it to me. Also, I don't care if my brother is different. I always wanted what was best for him. I'm not going to change who I am.
Also, just because other parents claim their kids are bad, that doesn't mean you can do it to me. Also, I don't care if my brother is different. I always wanted what was best for him. I'm not going to change who I am.
How My Dad Looks into Me
He thinks it's like a strict thing to say I'm like a joke. Sometimes, he's nice, but he just gets to feeling in a rut about the things I did wrong as misunderstandings, like thinking my life in college was an experiment and having to come home.
Was
I guess people do have to admit these days that once I was happily content to be ... as I was ... where I was ... close to the people who were close to me ... here in the home I love ...
Haha, that's a song. I saw the real thing.
Anyway, so, you can say in general I'm good. I just thought a couple wanted me to call their 2-year-old daughter the "n" word online as an ice breaker and to make the word really seem not that bad for some reason. I look into things, but I do get them wrong, though ultimately correct other than this. I feel I was pushed. I feel that the topic would get worse. I wish I knew then how to say no, I don't care, or no, I'm sorry. What happens when a person really gets confused like that? I used to be very much a perfectionist and, upon thinking my life was an experiment, seeing some magic things, and coming home to live with my family, I've only gotten better...
Haha, that's a song. I saw the real thing.
Anyway, so, you can say in general I'm good. I just thought a couple wanted me to call their 2-year-old daughter the "n" word online as an ice breaker and to make the word really seem not that bad for some reason. I look into things, but I do get them wrong, though ultimately correct other than this. I feel I was pushed. I feel that the topic would get worse. I wish I knew then how to say no, I don't care, or no, I'm sorry. What happens when a person really gets confused like that? I used to be very much a perfectionist and, upon thinking my life was an experiment, seeing some magic things, and coming home to live with my family, I've only gotten better...
Ellen DeGeneres gets through to.
I wonder if I'm the exception to the rule. Ooh. Big time. I'm pretty literal.
IMDb and Computers
Who's gonna read what I post? It's hard to click to get the posts to show up. I'm posting a lot. No one follows me. I made it interesting to follow. Actually, I believe some people click on some of my posts.
That was a pretty unsuccessful attempt at Blogger, yesterday.
Spreading my woes. I don't know how I learned and knew these words because I didn't look them up.
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