Tuesday, May 15, 2012
People have really been lashing out.
Some ways of treating people don't make sense, even at the gallows.
I did not know that!
So, torture doesn't exist, yet, killing you from too much pain does. I did not know that!
Jealousy and Sorry
People should not admit to jealousy.
I have a somewhat large fuzzy inkling of joy in others's sorrow.
I have a somewhat large fuzzy inkling of joy in others's sorrow.
Ah, yes.
I've been through that kind of thing. Live anyway and prosper. See if you could ever make your own family. Hm.
My Own Kind
I've had ideas to begin with, myself, I guess. I mean, my parents may have helped me into them.
If Something's Gonna Happen, Anyway
If something's gonna happen anyway, why get worked up about it happening a little earlier?
Endless Pleasure (a song I was thinking of)
So, people think as long as you show you know what you're doing that it's okay to do because it will prevent other people from doing it 1st the wrong way, as though that would be the problem.
Tricks
I don't really like people who are nice to you first, thinking you deserve something, then are bad as though you deserve nothing.
The Opportunities
So, supposedly you are bad to begin with. However, that's denied. So, why then be denied the opportunity to shine?
A Chance in Life
If you were bad to begin with, why get a chance?
Why not get the opportunity to use your developed talents?
Why not get the opportunity to use your developed talents?
Hmm.
I guess I should have spread the wealth? In a way, I don't need to. Heaven takes care of itself.
I'm goin' back to the start.
Well, so, I think. I think, if something isn't bad to begin with that it shouldn't be punished. People have to follow what's obvious if they want a glimpse of Heaven!
Starting Over, Again
It seems the one problem is following traditional logic that if you do something bad it's bad and punishable or reprimandable rather than following that if you do a certain thing means a certain thing rather than crashing the whole system.
Packing My Bags
I should pack my bags and leave, but I'm too old for college! I'd rather be a movie star! We need more movies!
Live and Let Live
People are so adamant that I would actually do something and look into suggestions.
Sarcastic
How are my parents perfect if they are sarcastic? My brother always seems to copy me, too.
Wanting to Hurt Myself
I didn't mess up. There's a reason for everything.
If you want to get into it, I messed up in feeling like I want to hurt myself.
If you want to get into it, I messed up in feeling like I want to hurt myself.
Let the Baby Explore
I don't like how my parents set me up to mess up to test me. I think they just wanted to see if I could avoid being stimulated. I don't think they're that silly.
The "N" Word
For some reason, it's affected my life how much I think the "n" word pops up in other people with me because both from disdain and jealousy.
Other People Wanting Comfort
I guess they're ahead in the game. I mean, why would they need comfort?
Wrong
Some people are just bad, and people accept that. They actually deal with what their reputation is.
Being From Certain Places
It's not funny how successful people turn out in typical areas because there aren't many.
Pretending Things
If everyone believes you did something, how can suffering be caused by you? I'm pretty cool, but that seems to be the kind of thing that is happening. I don't pretend things to start with.
My Life
For some reason, I feel set to talk about my life on my blog, though, but I feel also like lying down and sleeping, for some reason.
Hey, a siren. It's probably, I think, a firetruck. A lot of them. I mean it's not like we get them all the time, but I think at one point it seemed there was a lot, now that I think of it. ?:
Hey, a siren. It's probably, I think, a firetruck. A lot of them. I mean it's not like we get them all the time, but I think at one point it seemed there was a lot, now that I think of it. ?:
Maimed
I feel maimed. I lost sleep. I was also out walking in the sun, without my sunblock, getting my clothes all wet, in long sleeves because I don't have many clothes. I feel like I want to live, but I can't.
Simply Upset
I thought contacts were changed every week, the doctor said last time. I've been in there, 3 times, 1 for when I thought a contact was stuck in my eye though it feel and I made my eye all red. Now, I find it's every month. The doctor upset me the 1st time I went in this time, and I thought of some curse words. It's okay, I think with another person who was there this time, but it seems to automatically pop up to her benefit. It seems collectively something always has to go wrong. They seem to enjoy what they do. They should be interviewed or something.
Something Always Turns out Right
I notice every time something goes wrong something goes right. That keeps me hanging in, literally. Every time! I guess other times you're laying low trying to stay out of trouble too much that you can never live because you don't know how.
Back
I might go to bed soon. I'm having fun on the internet but don't feel like jogging, singing, etc. I'll be around, watching stuff and probably posting on IMDb before I fall asleep.
Inkling of Pleasure
Did you ever find people do things with just an inkling of pleasure in condemning other people, perhaps connected to their own wrongdoings?
I'm going to sleep soon.
See you - oh - I'll be here - 2:00 P.M. but watching TV until I go at 3:30 P.M.
When I'm Out
Today: 3:30 - around midnight
Friday: maybe 3 - the rest of the night
Saturday: all day
Friday: maybe 3 - the rest of the night
Saturday: all day
So, no, I didn't want to use it.
I had a lot of things going in my mind, of course, but it was the perfect place to discover you don't want to use it. It was really because I thought it was a natural mandate, why I thought they wanted me to do it really.
I've come to the conclusion that...
...the "n" word thing was in case I messed up and I just should have kept it as a token of flexibility, but it became literal. I think, though, if I got more rest sooner that I wouldn't have wanted to do it. I didn't really want to do it, but I suppose in general people do feel a feeling that they would like to use that word.
Ugh
I used to cancel all appointments, like the dentist, but I'm going back to the eye doctor for the 3rd time and now see the doctor 2 - 4 times per year to discuss the results of the blood tests I take for high cholesterol and vitamin D and am juggling a brain tumor that's so small that we might just leave it in there, from psychiatric medicine I don't need to take.
My "Thing"
So, my thing is to, originally, not feel anything, but if someone questions something attractive about me I change it automatically.
Made-Up Guidelines
What does that say? Pretty much, even if I'm criticizing myself, I can't make a point.
It's not a good thing.
It's not something to enjoy that I thought someone wanted me to use the "n" word. :'(
Children Figuring Things Out
Some people really want their children to figure out out and some not tell them if they're wrong so they can get an opportunity to see what it is to be punished.
Watching "The Ellen DeGeneres Show"
I'm eating some leftover ice cream and am gonna take some pictures and sing. I will probably post on IMDb more, too.
Facts
Supposedly, nothing is as bad as calling someone the "n" word. Ruining their life is. If someone did it to me for fun because they thought I wanted them to wouldn't really upset me but make me concerned.
Me Being Bad
So, I remember I noticed I shouldn't be happy for some certain reason, like I'm not really let off, thinking a couple wanted me to call their 1-year-old daughter the "n" word for fun. Still, if you think about it, it's them telling me to do something for fun. What if they didn't, though? It seems like they didn't know what they were doing because things didn't unfurl right.
Wanted to Be a Boy
I wonder how many people can tell I wanted to be a boy. I mean, boys look pretty in a nice way.
@TheEllenShow - 1, 2, 3
The 1st time I was really healthy was when I was in the New Orleans area and I did junior varsity softball my 1st year in addition to ballet once a week. All when I lived there, I was 105 or 100 - 110 pounds at just a little over 5'. I was tall for my age the year before moving. I got healthy again when I was 16 and started dieting, but then I had to start eating a lot of healthy food. I was even put in the mental hospital. I had been called to the counselor for looking stressed, usually having perfect grades, and taken by my aunt to the mental hospital. When I came home from college, somehow, I got very thin, again. After that, my life spiraled downhill.
I think my brother felt pushed...
...to be critical of me, I guess. :| He's softer now but on edge. Still, there exists a real tension, but it's not totally funny to me!
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