Sunday, May 6, 2012
Quite
Okay, I know Florida is the ruler and all. Up north is so satisfying. It's beyond my imagination. After taking it down south, it sure is a lot....
Aaaaaaaaaaargh-------- I did it again!
The computer is quite stimulating. This is scary. I'm not breaking up that much! I hope I never do this again!!!!!
Imagining Myself Naked as a Baby ?8
Oh my! Imagine that. I'm a bit embarrassed to be around my parents. Something started to make me uncomfortable, 1 2 ...
I just had to because...
...I mean, why not? I do understand satisfying yourself too much over one person, but in reality you can never get enough of other people, you'd think.
So, I felt almost as though I didn't have to. I suppose I could reluctantly do it again. Something else though is I noticed I didn't have my female thing as heavily after not having it over a year on those meds. That really upset me because I thought I was something.
So, I felt almost as though I didn't have to. I suppose I could reluctantly do it again. Something else though is I noticed I didn't have my female thing as heavily after not having it over a year on those meds. That really upset me because I thought I was something.
It's Amazing!
I hope it's not the cheap psychiatric medicine I take for schizophrenia and bipolar all rolled into one.
I mean, I don't feel that queasy when I get stimulated, anymore. I just don't feel much and it's hard to do. It feels more on purpose and works more, though. I used to always stop up, but for some reason this time I didn't and it's pretty scary.
I mean, I don't feel that queasy when I get stimulated, anymore. I just don't feel much and it's hard to do. It feels more on purpose and works more, though. I used to always stop up, but for some reason this time I didn't and it's pretty scary.
Growing Up and Out of It
I guess I'm too old to be stimulated. I don't know what next. Some things I'm not supposed to do. I thought of not satisfying myself. I guess doing it too much to the same thing is a danger zone if it's a person.
Acting as a Role Model
I may seem empty, but I'm really not----
People are starting to see me as a bridge to the ideal.
People are starting to see me as a bridge to the ideal.
Did you know that-
Did you know that living up north is the best place for being satisfied without doing anything at all?
In places like the New Orleans area, you have to physically think about it. I was never satisfied in New Orleans. I did have funny moments. However, those moments were more stressful and long. Perhaps, also they weren't that deep.
In places like the New Orleans area, you have to physically think about it. I was never satisfied in New Orleans. I did have funny moments. However, those moments were more stressful and long. Perhaps, also they weren't that deep.
Orlando
It seems that it's very English.
They seem to think the same things at the same time. It did disturb me some, like my at first feeling of wanting to satisfy myself. I'm glad I'm growing up and not letting that silly stuff affect me.
I think, too, though, that maybe England is being copied by England, though. I don't know how they guess. I don't know. I don't feel uncomfortable about people reading into me without me saying nor doing anything to let them know what's going on. I tried to justify it as that you can't read a baby's mind, but then the thought of the baby being a higher plateau of thought came to mind.....
They seem to think the same things at the same time. It did disturb me some, like my at first feeling of wanting to satisfy myself. I'm glad I'm growing up and not letting that silly stuff affect me.
I think, too, though, that maybe England is being copied by England, though. I don't know how they guess. I don't know. I don't feel uncomfortable about people reading into me without me saying nor doing anything to let them know what's going on. I tried to justify it as that you can't read a baby's mind, but then the thought of the baby being a higher plateau of thought came to mind.....
I can satisfy myself, pretty easily now.
Well, I just happened to, actually, I think, honestly. I don't know why I decided to do it. I figured, I've done it before when I was more sane. It's not so bad when you're young. It was more of a decision, and the fleeting fancy left me after I was through. :|
You know, I never totally go. Sometimes, I'm close. I guess, this time, I kinda had it different. I actually felt something at the peak of it all. I never usually do, never actually. I seem to only do this frequently when I live in Florida. When I'm in other places, it's like once or few times spread out, actually.
I heard that drugs are bad for you and are illegal, so I'll probably never do them. I do like smoking, though don't, and would like drinking. How do people get home safely who drink? I probably never will....
You know, I never totally go. Sometimes, I'm close. I guess, this time, I kinda had it different. I actually felt something at the peak of it all. I never usually do, never actually. I seem to only do this frequently when I live in Florida. When I'm in other places, it's like once or few times spread out, actually.
I heard that drugs are bad for you and are illegal, so I'll probably never do them. I do like smoking, though don't, and would like drinking. How do people get home safely who drink? I probably never will....
Spoilers About Disney - Highlight to Uncover
Highlight:
So, I decided that I want to be the Wicked Witch of the West in The Wizard of Oz.
So, I decided that I want to be the Wicked Witch of the West in The Wizard of Oz.
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Friday, May 4, 2012
I don't feel well.
I'm having a hard time sleeping.
I had a hard time sleeping this morning after the blood test.
I just have a restless feeling, though I've been exercising.
I had a hard time sleeping this morning after the blood test.
I just have a restless feeling, though I've been exercising.
Ghost
I saw something flutter on its own like a moth a few times, and it was really sharp. When I looked, it was just little rocks. It was at the edge of a speaker. I was up at night singing.
Complaining
I used to get into trouble for that when I moved from Florida at 12 to the New Orleans area.
Not only did I talk about not having friends, but I missed Florida.
So, yes, the whole time I was in the New Orleans area actually, I wanted to be in Florida. When I moved back to Florida, I just missed my comfort from living in the New Orleans area.
Not only did I talk about not having friends, but I missed Florida.
So, yes, the whole time I was in the New Orleans area actually, I wanted to be in Florida. When I moved back to Florida, I just missed my comfort from living in the New Orleans area.
Mixes
It seems to me that people with issues have mixed backgrounds. I don't know about the quality of the mix.
Why am I being punished?
I am not an animal. I never tried to hurt anyone. I wonder why I am considered so guilty all the time for not being all Caucasian.
The Big Lesson of the Day
It seems that the big lesson is to torture non-white people.
They advocate people from underprivileged backgrounds.
They advocate people from underprivileged backgrounds.
I was pretty good.
All in all, I was always never considered worse than my parents. Ever since I thought someone wanted me to call them the "n" word, things have changed.
Ghost
2012-05-04 - A.M. 2:48 - I saw something flutter on its own like a moth, but when I looked it was just little rocks. It was at the edge of a speaker. I was up at night singing.
Morality
I guess it depends on who starts 1st.
People say they are moral, but then you realize their situation is better for the idea already. I can't believe some of the discrepancies that arise. That just goes to show you.
People say they are moral, but then you realize their situation is better for the idea already. I can't believe some of the discrepancies that arise. That just goes to show you.
About Watching My Singing Videos
I'm apprehensive to go back and watch my singing YouTube videos right now.
Not Lost in a Bad Fantasy
People act like I'm lost in some fantasy that I like to do something wrong.
My Eye Stinging
My eye other than the one that is red from trying to get out a contact that wasn't in there was just stinging.
Shouldn't Make Enemies
So, I was saving a picture and noticed my folder for Anne Frank and wondered who would say the Jews were the opposite of the Chinese. I don't think Jews have big noses, and I don't think the Chinese traditionally are considered to have weak noses.
The Nice People
How does thinking everyone including that person wants you to do something traditionally wrong to them make you the one who's wrong and the others the one's who're right? That's too bad because that happens to nice people.
Being Grateful
Some people were not taught to be thankful, in general, nor influenced in the right way. That still doesn't make sense, though.
Slashing Contrast of Personalities
Sometimes, people have a more slashing contrast of personalities. I mean one person, though.
Curious and Concerned
I am curious and concerned about the 1 thing people dread because it sounds like the only thing I can do.
Reep What You Sow
I guess you can take the benefits of what you have even if you feel confused in it.
It seems like a lot of people are setting up stereotypes.
That, or it's like just a way of being, a set of directions to follow, so that no one can really catch you doing it, at first.
Some people just insist on winning, even if they're mean to get there.
It catches on, and people aren't genuine and end up worshipping the wrong people.
It seems there is peer pressure and personal pressure.
Some people just insist on winning, even if they're mean to get there.
It catches on, and people aren't genuine and end up worshipping the wrong people.
It seems there is peer pressure and personal pressure.
Do you know about people who are totally set up to succeed?
Well, not me. I guess, in some ways, I am, but there's always a give and take. That's the difference with me I don't understand.
Why poke fun at the Chinese who ...
... or just me because I look more white though I'm south Chinese but only half?
Blame
I can't believe that anyone would admit that well something is too bad on account of themselves like it's logic and then give up like their life.
Another Surprise
So, I was supposed to get my contacts on Saturday, the real prescription ones. I don't know why the ones I have now work. Anyway, I thought one was stuck in my eye and went in, but it wasn't. My right eye is still red. My appointment is supposed to be postponed, but I don't know why. I thought we had a good session.
Switch
I was watching a commercial and realized something.
People who don't know you well are harsher because with people you know well is time to relax.
People who don't know you well are harsher because with people you know well is time to relax.
Chores
I can iron but might not wash. I have to fold the towels and there's something in the washing machine. I'm not going to do that just yet, though. I guess I'm postponing it because I've lost so much sleep and feel somewhat miserable.
My Many Problems I Have Cultivated
I sometimes thought nasty things of others. It's funny I don't know. Words just pop up with people usually as I see them in real life, though. I'm guessing, somehow, it goes away.
I haven't wanted to hurt myself, as much, lately. I mean I haven't, neither.
I guess something else big for me is that people can tell what I do, like what I talk about that they've never seen nor heard.
I haven't wanted to hurt myself, as much, lately. I mean I haven't, neither.
I guess something else big for me is that people can tell what I do, like what I talk about that they've never seen nor heard.
to New Orleans
...
Titanic was the big thing. Things then were getting pretty advanced, but they all fell after that when I moved to the New Orleans area.
I remember there was the big mall in Jacksonville where I lived once. Now, the trash cans say thank you after you throw something in them.
So, I moved to the New Orleans area. I didn't see the same kinds of clothes. I was completely lost.
People there said, "ya'll," all the time, and I never did but like trying it out at home later once or twice. I've used it online since but only for fun.
So, I did e-mail and some IM. I didn't get into the internet. I still held onto mourning losing the storyboard about penguins. I just had to make the right move. I wish I got into the program right away, though. I mean, I was there and allowed. I could already type pretty well, for some reason.
The reason I felt like dying was because the sensation was so different. I don't know what it was in a way, but it was a heavy feeling. I had a feeling of nothingness in a way, you know, like a black hole.
No one talked to me there. Every night, I'd go home and talk about it with my dad. I talked about it to my aunts. I actually started calling them on my own for fun because they're so cool. It was always the topic. The people there talked to me when I would get in trouble for it and otherwise wouldn't. That messed me up bad. I had no friends. Everyone there seemed disabled and like they were fat. Sure, there were stellar people as I grew up. It was interesting meeting people from other cities in the area. I didn't really fit in in my city. I'm glad I lived there. It was sorta neat. I've met people from New Orleans and went to college there. I know it's a pretty advanced city. I guess it was the boondocks that was different. It might just have been the city I was in. I think that's the lowest of the low. I knew, in moving there, I would never be the same again. I was impressed with the people in New Orleans, though. I am beyond messed up. I wonder if I will ever heal and when. I'm not fat in the same way people from that area are. I guess I'm not that messed up. I did meet some neat people, but, thinking of it in order, means people with a special background. I guess people there are very accepting. They get very surprised by high class. I lived there for 6 years. I was 12-17. I really took off at college in New Orleans. I was there for 1 good solid year. I had problems after that. A hurricane did hit. I had problems because I was taken out of my major of music education. It disturbed me. I feel useless and helpless and unaccomplished! I mean in general. I have to iron and do laundry. I feel fat in the way people from there are fat. I know I am accomplishing in thinking and posting to my blog, though. I need to think.
Titanic was the big thing. Things then were getting pretty advanced, but they all fell after that when I moved to the New Orleans area.
I remember there was the big mall in Jacksonville where I lived once. Now, the trash cans say thank you after you throw something in them.
So, I moved to the New Orleans area. I didn't see the same kinds of clothes. I was completely lost.
People there said, "ya'll," all the time, and I never did but like trying it out at home later once or twice. I've used it online since but only for fun.
So, I did e-mail and some IM. I didn't get into the internet. I still held onto mourning losing the storyboard about penguins. I just had to make the right move. I wish I got into the program right away, though. I mean, I was there and allowed. I could already type pretty well, for some reason.
The reason I felt like dying was because the sensation was so different. I don't know what it was in a way, but it was a heavy feeling. I had a feeling of nothingness in a way, you know, like a black hole.
No one talked to me there. Every night, I'd go home and talk about it with my dad. I talked about it to my aunts. I actually started calling them on my own for fun because they're so cool. It was always the topic. The people there talked to me when I would get in trouble for it and otherwise wouldn't. That messed me up bad. I had no friends. Everyone there seemed disabled and like they were fat. Sure, there were stellar people as I grew up. It was interesting meeting people from other cities in the area. I didn't really fit in in my city. I'm glad I lived there. It was sorta neat. I've met people from New Orleans and went to college there. I know it's a pretty advanced city. I guess it was the boondocks that was different. It might just have been the city I was in. I think that's the lowest of the low. I knew, in moving there, I would never be the same again. I was impressed with the people in New Orleans, though. I am beyond messed up. I wonder if I will ever heal and when. I'm not fat in the same way people from that area are. I guess I'm not that messed up. I did meet some neat people, but, thinking of it in order, means people with a special background. I guess people there are very accepting. They get very surprised by high class. I lived there for 6 years. I was 12-17. I really took off at college in New Orleans. I was there for 1 good solid year. I had problems after that. A hurricane did hit. I had problems because I was taken out of my major of music education. It disturbed me. I feel useless and helpless and unaccomplished! I mean in general. I have to iron and do laundry. I feel fat in the way people from there are fat. I know I am accomplishing in thinking and posting to my blog, though. I need to think.
The Place that Most Influenced and Shaped My Life
That's the oldest city in the U.S. It's in northeast Florida. Before we moved there, I started reading the Little House books. When I lived there, I read some of American Girls.
So, I got to liking old-fashioned things a lot. That was a coincidence that it was in the oldest city in the U.S.
I have lots of feelings on it. I'm not sure if I'm ready to share it tonight. *drools*
I felt pretty good a lot of the time, now that I look back. There were so many possibilities in 1997. It seems like it was the accumulation of the bringing back of the 80's. Things have really gone on since then. It's been a long time.
Things were so dreamy there then. You sit in your house and think of the trees outside. I'm thinking of sitting at a computer, but it's funny the computer wasn't as advanced I think at the age I was thinking of.
I was in children's school & church choir, and it was so dreamy to get to the church early and being in choir itself!
It was so dreamy to walk to the library there. I even helped out my brother's pre-school class. That was so much fun.
They build a 3D motion theater by our house downtown by the old buildings. I think our house other than the one next to us was closest to the ball of the center of the city downtown.
I grew to like choir a lot. I started before I moved there, but here we did more advanced singing. I also learned piano, and everyone was happy to have me learn it. I visited my aunts and grandma and played for them. I had a keyboard, at first. I was so excited when I came home from my 1st piano lesson to find a huge keyboard.
I was still into art at that time. I also grew up doing gymnastics and some ballet. So, I had a little of everything. I didn't like the ballet where I lived before, so when we moved this time I quit gymnastics to leave my schedule open for ballet. The music did help a lot.
I liked wearing boots when I was there. Starting in like 1996, I wore those boots that come up to your ankles. I liked wearing dresses and skirts, as well.
...
So, I got to liking old-fashioned things a lot. That was a coincidence that it was in the oldest city in the U.S.
I have lots of feelings on it. I'm not sure if I'm ready to share it tonight. *drools*
I felt pretty good a lot of the time, now that I look back. There were so many possibilities in 1997. It seems like it was the accumulation of the bringing back of the 80's. Things have really gone on since then. It's been a long time.
Things were so dreamy there then. You sit in your house and think of the trees outside. I'm thinking of sitting at a computer, but it's funny the computer wasn't as advanced I think at the age I was thinking of.
I was in children's school & church choir, and it was so dreamy to get to the church early and being in choir itself!
It was so dreamy to walk to the library there. I even helped out my brother's pre-school class. That was so much fun.
They build a 3D motion theater by our house downtown by the old buildings. I think our house other than the one next to us was closest to the ball of the center of the city downtown.
I grew to like choir a lot. I started before I moved there, but here we did more advanced singing. I also learned piano, and everyone was happy to have me learn it. I visited my aunts and grandma and played for them. I had a keyboard, at first. I was so excited when I came home from my 1st piano lesson to find a huge keyboard.
I was still into art at that time. I also grew up doing gymnastics and some ballet. So, I had a little of everything. I didn't like the ballet where I lived before, so when we moved this time I quit gymnastics to leave my schedule open for ballet. The music did help a lot.
I liked wearing boots when I was there. Starting in like 1996, I wore those boots that come up to your ankles. I liked wearing dresses and skirts, as well.
...
Wrrong!
Kids should each be raised differently. I mean, if one kid has something else going for them, then let them at it!!!
Things Affect Americans
I just have to realize something to have it affect me. I find that Americans are easily affected especially, with their track history|record.
People Making Me Do Stuff
Ever since I claimed someone made me do something wrong and that the person I did it to wanted me to do it, people have been "making" me do stuff.
Blind
My right eye hurts on the inside when I blink, and there's this like fog over things I look at when I look a certain way. It's a very clear fog. I can see pretty clearly, though. It seems it's going to go away with the redness. It's like, when I blink, it takes longer for my eyelid to open.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Batteries
I guess we don't have anymore. I have some saved, and the remote lit up but didn't affect the TV.
TV Broke
I guess I went to watch "The Ellen Degeneres Show" after I was gonna watch Grease, but the remote broke. I'm upset because I know I threw the remote across the floor and the top fell off before I went to the mental hospital. I think it's the batteries, like I think last time. Anyway, I was able to use the machine buttons.
Another Ghost
I put it on my MySpace.
"I was going back down the hallway from watching TV, and I saw a line of a shadow like move and go away on the floor. I was going to the bathroom to get out a contact lens that was stuck in my eye, backwards too I think, but upon seeing this ghost I stopped short."
"I was going back down the hallway from watching TV, and I saw a line of a shadow like move and go away on the floor. I was going to the bathroom to get out a contact lens that was stuck in my eye, backwards too I think, but upon seeing this ghost I stopped short."
My Eye
One of my eyes is very red from thinking there was a contact in it. It's not getting better. I'll probably have to follow through with something.
I looked at it again and guess it looks a little better, not much and just slightly.
I looked at it again and guess it looks a little better, not much and just slightly.
Ahhhhhhhhhhh!
My eye is so frustrating. It stung so much when I touched it. I don't know why. I don't know what the eye doctor will do to help me get it out. I might go back to sleep.
My Eye
It's red and the lid is closed a little more than usual. I did sleep all night. I just woke up a little in between.
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