I guess I'm gonna iron, 1st.

So, then, I'll watch TV and then be back and then take a shower.  I'll be back again and do stuff, like post on IMDb and probably sing and record me talking some, a little in the bathroom where it's easy to see me instead of in my room or for a long time.

Tonight

After I watch "The Ellen DeGeneres Show," I think I'm gonna make a hamburger, too.  I was thinking of something else but forget. I have ironing to do.  I may stay up and post on IMDb.  So, I guess I'll iron if my brother doesn't want to use the living area.  In that case, I may be back to do Twitter around 12:45 or 1:00.  I can have the hamburger later.

Hey, I have the living room!

Time to watch "The Ellen DeGeneres Show."  I'm also gonna eat at least the 2 hot dogs.  So, I might be back in up to 1 1|2 hours but may take a shower and be back even later, will probably post if I do.

Hot Dogs

This is a step up.  As long as I eat healthy stuff.  I know hot dogs are not completely unhealthy.  I mean, people have them with dumplings and sauerkraut.  I use wheat|grain buns, though we've run out and I'm using sliced bread.  =D

I feel like I've stopped being interesting.

Calling My Grandma

Maybe, she wants to wait until I'm on a regular non-busy schedule to wait if I tell her I may not call every day.

Certain Situations Tax My Energy or "Tax My Nerves"

It was a hard week when I had the doctor appointments.  I should have gotten myself more sleep.  I should have known I'd be tired.  I know I will sleep for something this week, though.  I wonder how I will deal with sleeping for these appointments when I feel like just resting doing stuff on the computer and then waking up and going to sleep when it's done.

I wish I would have called.

I seriously went to the eye doctor 4 times in the past month.

I guess people aren't supposed to help me.

It's not really too late, but it didn't come to me to call.  We had such a good conversation last time I don't want to ruin it.

Well

So, I guess she wants me to call every day but only when I'm well.

I had just been thinking

I was grateful I felt like I looked better after talking to my grandma.  I felt okay at the eye place today.  I felt awkward on the phone earlier today, though.  I was doing a like business call.  I can't imagine people doing jobs like that.  It's funny they call to ask these kinds of questions.  I was just authorizing them to talk to my mom, though, I guess because she has a lot to do and wants to get it done rather than train me to know what she may know and I may have to ask her.

So, after I felt grateful about my grandma talking to me partly because I looked better, I lost a certain look.  I looked more like my father then, too, but it was also that I didn't look as detailed, after.

It's not too late to help me out.

Hard

Part of it is with her and in ways with others that I'm not so "funny."

I feel funny today.

...and I'm a "funny" person.

I guess I just am hungry.

I had a hard day yesterday, and my grandma apparently likes to talk to me when I've eaten and if I feel right enough.  She doesn't get mad if I don't call.  She gets what's going on.  I think she hopes I keep calling and don't have to tell her if I might not call.

Problem

That time I was up for 1 1|2 days and didn't eat most of that time, I called my grandma.  She was a little harsh about me not eating and asked if I'd ever do it again.  I said I didn't know but that I didn't like it.  For some reason, either from being awake too long or from talking to her, I looked different.  I know I lose my look if I get mad and that I look fatter if I don't jog for a day or so.  I know my nose felt different when I talked to her.  I kinda picture her affecting me and shocking me not to look like before.  I had recently started using contact lenses, and, for the 1st time, I looked so clear and detailed seeing my face without glasses.

Here's before, where I was just beginning to develop my look, which for some reason had been preserved, in ways from when I was 11 before leaving Florida:
Picture Video

Here's after:
Video Picture the Night Of Picture 2 Picture 3 Picture 4 Picture 5

The last 3 pictures look okay because I decided to start jogging again, too.  I mean, it seems like I just ricocheted, as always happens, with something to make up for what happened.  I'm also thinking I got my new look from my grandma talking to me, which is good.  Still, what kept coming up in my mind was that I lost my look for some reason but got a new one.  It's strange and makes me think my grandma did it because if it were just me I probably wouldn't be worried.  The night of, I think I still looked the same.

I think I'll have the chocolate milkshake now.

I really get the hint that...

...my grandma kinda doesn't want me to call if I'm not ready...

Well, I dunno.

Setting a Bad Example

Some people only get certain things it seems about me.  I'm worried that people are thinking curse words are funny because they'd come to pop in my head though seem to be going away.

I just need to get it together.

I have to be the right way around my family.  It was a little hard, lately, and now my little brother is home from college.  He might be doing some things, though.  Now, I'm hungry for chocolate.  I guess tonight I'll make a milkshake with vanilla ice cream and chocolate powder.

Last time

my brain felt empty from staying up so long singing and watching the videos of me singing and not eating.  I was timid because my little brother was around and seems to like time to himself and with our parents.  I did eat supper, today, and feel good.  I probably will, unless I somehow get on a different schedule, sometimes.

When I called my grandma last...

...she seemed okay with if I didn't call.  She really wants me to call when I feel good because I guess we're prone to disagree.

I hope I feel better, tomorrow.

Eye Doctor

I feel funny about when I went in and thought of those curse words.  I think I can deal with it, though.

TV

I wanna catch up on some TV.  I can do it while my brother is in the living room because he's usually on his computer, too.  He's been in his room this evening with the light on.

I kinda wanna post on IMDb, though.

I might go to sleep soon.

I'm debating calling my grandma.

I kinda wanna jog and kinda don't feel like it.  I know I shouldn't call if I don't feel up for talking, so I might not.  I just don't want anything to go wrong.  There are times I called I know I shouldn't have now.

I'm probably calling my grandma soon.

I'm considering jogging, too.

Time

I guess it will just take me time to lose weight.  I too long didn't eat healthy.  I jog and do sit-ups and push-ups but don't actually feel like it right now.  I am skinnier today from I guess the resting which must have processed my metabolism.  My double chin doesn't feel quite as bad, neither.  I don't know how fat I am, but I know I look funny.

Oh well.

I'm thankful parents care about their kids.

Dieting

Awhile ago, I started dieting and even stopped taking my psychiatric medicine as much since I thought it made me hungry to eat at all.  I started eating again but more normally and things are going well.  I had been eating more unhealthily in the more recent past.  I lost my weight through dieting rather than changing my diet, like by just not eating as much for awhile.  I hope I regain stamina, or start to gain it for once in my more recent life.

Trapped

I've lost a lot of desire in doing things.  I need to get my life together.  Partly, I'm letting my brother be in the house without me around, I think.  I'm okay with that.  I still have the freedom to ask my dad to take me places.  I'm just glad I'm home now.  I used to not wear makeup and nail polish, so I guess I'm a little tired from starting things like that.  I also was doing chores more for awhile, somehow.  Well, I know, though, there was just 1 day when I prepared all 3 meals.

Goals

I can't wait until I finish my ironing.  I need to start being awake during the day.  I mean, it's fun being up late, too.  I need enough sleep.  Who doesn't?

Having Things Together

I wonder if most people have it more together than I do.

Staying out of Trouble on the Internet

If I got online sooner, I would be less likely to get into trouble.  The internet is so confusing, the way people post.  Like, there's I know IMDb as the big message board, but I've been other places.

It's hard to stay happy.

I wish I got online sooner, when I was still sane, to set a good base.

Attitude History

I wish that some things just didn't happen.  At least, I know now what not to do.  I should have known before, though.

Giving up Stuff

So, we get a night at home instead of hot fudge.  ... and an alarm clock for me.  ... and if we need anything else.

Blogging

I wish I knew people who blogged as much as I did or at least kept up a pretty good blog.

I've lost stamina in ...

... wanting to change the distant past.

I somehow settle with things in the more recent past.  I'm just glad when things do get settled in one way or another.  I wish some things didn't happen, but I'm pretty happy.

Tired

I don't really feel like doing anything.  It's probably because I woke up recently.  I can imagine just getting to work.  I have a feeling, too, maybe, my dad wants to rest, today.  I'm hoping he'll take me shopping sometime, which I'm sure he will.  Usually, I'd watch a movie, now, but I don't really curl up, much, anymore.  Don't be surprised if I fall asleep.

Resistance to Temptation

I resisted something that happened in my sleep.

Sorry

I am sorry for all the people who were affected by the "n" word thing.

Something Obvious

So, should I not deserve anything, finally, since the "n" word thing?  (I thought someone wanted me to call them the "n" word.)  It seems settled no one really wants me to have peace, but there's nothing they can do about it.

 Here Lies
 Christina
Rest in Fury

Sluggish

I should start recording 2 other TV shows I might be missing, too.  1 doesn't show every day.  I feel like having a little fun and then going to bed.  When I talk to my grandma, we talk for about 45 minutes.  I need to call her sometime.  I'm telling her I might not call every day, I think.  It's okay with her, it seems.  I mean, I feel like doing a little on the internet and then maybe going to bed, again.

Ghosts

I feel an eminent sense of danger lurking in the shadows.

A few days or a week ago, I saw a big black mass of a ghost, and this time, though it took awhile to settle in my senses, I really saw the black inky mass.  I was about to go into my room, which is the garage.  I got to the laundry room and saw it at my door.  It had like maybe little triangles sticking out as hands as it like escorted me to the garage.  I was about to watch Ellen DeGeneres, sometime.

Fake

So, is the world being fake?

20 Hours of Sleep

I just ate supper and am gonna do the dishes soon.  I want to ask my dad to go to the grocery store and to get an alarm clock with me, but I feel like sleeping or something.  I might wait to be alone to watch TV, which would be sometime int the A.M. hours tomorrow.

Maybe, I'll get something to eat.

I kinda wanna go back to sleep.

I know these people...

...are still using the "n" word thing as an excuse for all their past problems.

I thought I was accomplished.

Have fun trying to dig into my past.

Mistakes

Do you know anyone who morally lies and can't help giving away things that are not supposed to be repeated?  I thought people were supposed to be strong.

I think I'm gonna lie down again.

14 Hours of Sleep

Woah

I've never slept straight that much.  I felt like I was going to die on nothing but my psychiatric medicine.

I dreamt I was really thirsty and drinking like 3 cups of wine, which I've never had, so I switched to water with ice so I wouldn't get drunk.  I noticed I wasn't feeling drunk, at all, what I thought being drunk would be.  I just felt quenched.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

I noticed I don't get the same kind of respect as I used to get.