Johnny Depp and as the Years Roll Along

I feel sorry for him. He's going to be 50 next year. He still looks young. He's not officially 50, yet. 50 isn't too old. I can't believe how old everyone is getting. I do miss when I was younger. I thought I was born too early, but now I feel I was born too late. I think I just made a lot of mistakes along the way. I cannot account that any of my college experiences, other than going downhill, were a mistake in and of themselves. I don't know what made me better. I had to go home and rest and get better. I wasn't totally attractive. I posted online, though, all the time, I mean really like all the time, since summer 2007. That's to make up for not doing anything before. I'm on a road to self-discovery. I just want things to go smoothly. I have a feeling I need more time alone. I do like singing, but right now I feel a bit inhibited. I might not later, though. I just have this feeling I'm so stressed and want everything to be right, but everything is based on the past. People do say to forget the past and in some sense do move on. I'm learning to deal with things more now, somehow, since my little incident last night. I don't know why or if that's the cause. I just feel better in my room doing things alone. That's what I'd done before. I started coming out only because I got so mad I threw my almost broken laptop against the wall and got sent to the mental hospital for throwing a rage. Sleeping helps, but I felt like waking up. Sometimes, I do like to be awake during the day. It's so nostalgic the days that have passed and all the mistakes I made that turned out to matter. The worst is when I thought someone wanted me to call them the "n" word online. People know and are getting over it, though. I think they're training me to have it ingrained in my head, how to respond about it. It's sort of getting brushed under the surface. I wonder if it'll come back up. I guess people are always forgiving, just concerned and flawed.