So, how did I get to where I am, today?

Okay, why do some people act impressed I called someone the "n" word because I thought they wanted me to?  I'm always trying to improve.  I know that things like this are considered cool, but I didn't want to do it really.  It seems like on the other side|in the other way no one believes me.  They think maybe that other people would be attracted to doing it.  I guess people are impressed with how I dealt with the situation and sorry that I had to end up getting into it.  I don't see how it had to happen and am confused as to who all made me do it.  Why be against me in any way if you wanted me to do it?  It's true, I don't believe calling someone the "n" word should really be a stain on someone's life.  I think it's just an obscure term that people are coming to terms with by using it in a friendly way, saying, "'Sup, my nigga?"  I get offended when I see people around me post things like that, but it doesn't happen often nor at all much on IMDb.  People are picking at me because of what I did and how I didn't want to do it combined, I think.