The people in the U.S. who think they are more German are so literal that they miss the point.
Like, instead of saying that bad doesn't really exist though you go the full loop in dealing with things, they just think it's it. They think that the natural thing happens, that it's bad and people are in some sort of trouble. They don't think there's any answer in fair sight.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Police
If I had to keep remembering I called someone the "n" word because I thought they wanted me to for a weird reason, imagine if I was in school or had an intelligent job. How would I focus? I don't think it's possible. I thought I was on a sabbatical for a reason!
Why???
Why does it exist that we have a system where we group people into categories of who is of the caste of interacting with who? I think that would be a bit touchy. I am usually in a good caste, so I feel sorry for the others. In the end, people explode and say that the only reason they have problems is because they were treated unfairly, and then if they don't think your race is white enough they hurt you for being more privileged.
When to Try to Expel Bad Feelings
I was under the impression that thoughts of curse words are best to come up when more applicable, but that just makes the person feel guilty for something that's not their fault. It's best to get it over with before.
I find it best to not let these things come up so much. Eventually, the process can be eradicated.
I find it best to not let these things come up so much. Eventually, the process can be eradicated.
MySpace Edit: Race
http://www.myspace.com/christina-barrett
Race
a little Native American indian
1|2 Chinese-Indonesian
Barrett-Barber, Barrett-Donahue-Noon, Barber-Work, Barber-Burkhart-Kifer, Work-Mortimer, Work-Long-Ross, Work-Shultz, Rickard
Barrett - Norman-Welsh-Irish
Donahue - Irish
Noon - Anglo-Irish
Barber - Scottish or English?
Work - northern Scottish islands
Burkhart - German
Kifer - Polish-German
Mortimer - Norman-English
Long - Norman-Irish?
Ross - Norman-English
Shultz - Swiss-German
Rickard - English
I am from Southeastern Florida, Northeastern Florida, Southeastern Florida, Northeastern Florida, a New Orleans suburb, and the Orlando area (Central Florida) and Orlando.
My dad is from Northwestern Pennsylvania and Southwestern New York state.
Race
a little Native American indian
1|2 Chinese-Indonesian
Barrett-Barber, Barrett-Donahue-Noon, Barber-Work, Barber-Burkhart-Kifer, Work-Mortimer, Work-Long-Ross, Work-Shultz, Rickard
Barrett - Norman-Welsh-Irish
Donahue - Irish
Noon - Anglo-Irish
Barber - Scottish or English?
Work - northern Scottish islands
Burkhart - German
Kifer - Polish-German
Mortimer - Norman-English
Long - Norman-Irish?
Ross - Norman-English
Shultz - Swiss-German
Rickard - English
I am from Southeastern Florida, Northeastern Florida, Southeastern Florida, Northeastern Florida, a New Orleans suburb, and the Orlando area (Central Florida) and Orlando.
My dad is from Northwestern Pennsylvania and Southwestern New York state.
Problems
I guess my temper has escalated. I started to think of curse words when someone treats me very badly in how I see they react to me. People got uncomfortable.
So, what happens is stuff escalates. I can't help but feel pity for people who must emit ill thoughts.
So, what happens is stuff escalates. I can't help but feel pity for people who must emit ill thoughts.
Contact Lenses
This is the 1st time I've worn contact lenses. I was there learning how to do it for like half an hour. This is the 1st time I've seen my face clearly with no glasses. I took a picture, but it looked much worse than in real life. To me, it's important to not wear glasses because no one would ever see what I look like. It's always been important to me. It's a little weird and feels different but is cool.
People Expected to Put on a False Front
I don't like people all in others's faces threatening them to act mean. I don't care if it's the devil himself.
Not in the Package :|
No one's ever dissected if someone acts like they want you to use the "n" word on them through different ways.
Personal Space
People are starting to watch me more closely. I don't know how word travels around, when it shouldn't. Some things aren't that big of a deal. I can think however I want.
I knew it was a joke!
For some reason, I think the idea that Europe is superior to the U.S. is a joke.
I have this strange thing ...
... I know what it is!
I do things right, and other people are downright nasty on the inside.
I do things right, and other people are downright nasty on the inside.
African-American Habits With Others
Did you ever notice African-Americans over-identify with only some people and think they are standoff-ish with others? They always had a respectful distance from me before, but some are shaping up and being more friendly.
MySpace Update: Tips for Karaoke Copyright
"Look up MIDI files to do karaoke and post online because they are not attached to the companies of the CDs. YouTube does recognize the copyright of the song, so save your files. I haven't had any with MIDI backgrounds deleted but have gone back to old accounts and found ones with CDs for karaoke deleted."
http://www.myspace.com/christina-barrett
http://www.myspace.com/christina-barrett
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Website Edit: Heading on Picture
I added where I forgot to add that I lived in northeastern Florida on a picture.
Me Through the Years
Me Through the Years
Why do people want me to call someone the "n" word?
If people so wish I did by my own will call someone the "n" word, rather than them acting like they really want me to do it, that proves that the other people are guilty because that's what they wish happened. Also, if the people on the other side wish that, as well, that proves that they did it, really did symbolically wish for me to do that. I think it was more than just the subconscious.
Dealing With Things
I might not get what I want, but I know I'm right. I don't think people should be mean to someone just because they used the "n" word. They might have to to keep them from using it again. People walk by me and think of racist things, though. That's why I don't like Orlando in a lot of ways. I just assume it makes them weaker as a person and they don't know what to do.
Violence
People are violent around me because they can tell I am guilty of things but that are misunderstandings and awkward situations. I did post about them in my blog but didn't feel like pinning them to my website. I guess it's something that should pass.
Interesting Topic
I wonder if someone acted like they wanted me to call them the "n" word because I was going to. I'm sure though I wouldn't have if I didn't think they wanted me to. That's something lodged in my subconscious.
Interesting Topic
I wonder if someone acted like they wanted me to call them the "n" word because I was going to. I'm sure though I wouldn't have if I didn't think they wanted me to. That's something lodged in my subconscious.
Forget It
You can't hope I wanted to call someone that and then make me suffer all the time for it. I'm forgetting it!
Hello, People
I'm not the one who even wanted to use the "n" word. I thought some other people wanted me to.
Getting Skinny
I wonder how people get skinny.
I'm guessing they keep buying salads.
It seems rich people have nice places to stay so spend a lot of time not gaining stress fat and feeling like they deserve a lot, whereas other people don't. If you have something, it's yours to enjoy. There are lots of ways to slim the bill, but I don't know how worthy I am of spouting that statement. I had to give up a college career, which dones on my self-worth. That means I have no options. I can't get hired, neither, but I don't want to try right now.
I know there are lots of rich people who are at least partially obese, though. They don't live in a perfect world. Most of them probably are high business men with rigorous schedules and nights a the office, but who knows.
I guess people in show business and their families are doing what a normal person would like, getting nice things and expressing oneself to one's utmost.
I'm guessing they keep buying salads.
It seems rich people have nice places to stay so spend a lot of time not gaining stress fat and feeling like they deserve a lot, whereas other people don't. If you have something, it's yours to enjoy. There are lots of ways to slim the bill, but I don't know how worthy I am of spouting that statement. I had to give up a college career, which dones on my self-worth. That means I have no options. I can't get hired, neither, but I don't want to try right now.
I know there are lots of rich people who are at least partially obese, though. They don't live in a perfect world. Most of them probably are high business men with rigorous schedules and nights a the office, but who knows.
I guess people in show business and their families are doing what a normal person would like, getting nice things and expressing oneself to one's utmost.
Mental Reaction
I find now I always have to react with something concrete, which actually is a curse word or something bad but otherwise not too bad.
I find that, if I don't want to curse but curse words keep entering my subconscious, it only comes hard like once a lot of times and then I forget it. Sometimes, it pops up after something happens. What doesn't work also is going around thinking about others, "You're NOT *beep*." They know it comes up. Sometimes, I don't think anything, and then "You're *beep*," comes up and I have to fix and say "not." That's often a light onset.
Things only enter me at a somewhat shallow level. I notice now for some reason it's actually quite thick and solid instead of more abstract and spacious.
Things only enter me at a somewhat shallow level. I notice now for some reason it's actually quite thick and solid instead of more abstract and spacious.
Things That Enter the Realm of My Mind
I find that, if I don't want to curse but curse words keep entering my subconscious, it only comes hard like once a lot of times and then I forget it. Sometimes, it pops up after something happens. What doesn't work also is going around thinking about others, "You're NOT *beep*." They know it comes up. Sometimes, I don't think anything, and then "You're *beep*," comes up and I have to fix and say "not." That's often a light onset.
Things only enter me at a somewhat shallow level. I notice now for some reason it's actually quite thick and solid instead of more abstract and spacious.
MySpace Edit: Race
I added the word "inventions" with a colon to designate the inventions of my ancestors under the race section.
MySpace Edit: Race
I took down a lot of stuff and added a detail about inventions.
http://www.myspace.com/christina-barrett
http://www.myspace.com/christina-barrett
How to Go Through Setting the Standard
I can't believe to what extreme people find me guilty and punishable.
I wish someone didn't act so much like they wanted me to call them the "n" word. I am accepting to the fact that some people grew up thinking it's literally what's right because it's a valuable word with none other like it. People who are afraid of it have insecurities. I wouldn't use it because it's not polite. It's not really a risk.
I wish someone didn't act so much like they wanted me to call them the "n" word. I am accepting to the fact that some people grew up thinking it's literally what's right because it's a valuable word with none other like it. People who are afraid of it have insecurities. I wouldn't use it because it's not polite. It's not really a risk.
MySpace Edit
I changed the 2nd mention of "Native American" to "Native American indian" like I did in the 1st mention.
How can somebody feel mad about doing something to others?
What makes someone get in a rage about something you did to someone else? Is it when people use that person as a tool?
Family
I absolutely hate it when anyone outside of my family tries to change it because it always goes wrong.
Superiority Complex
Why would someone say that something that's okay for you to do that they do bad is not okay for someone else and use them as a prop to say they are in a higher position then?
Rebelling
Why would someone who did something wrong before you did think they have an assertive control over you in a bad way?
Negative Suggestions
If more intelligent conversation is needed and all there is to talk about is negative things, why do people even think you have time to make new negative suggestions?
Something That's Not Okay
If something wasn't okay before and people happen to act mad at you for doing something you thought someone wanted you to do, does that mean it's still not okay?
Changes Things
If someone does something wrong to you and they happen to act mad at you for doing something you thought someone wanted you to do, is doing the same thing they did wrong before okay?
Emotional Feelings
I don't like people thinking you didn't will something fully for someone else when you know you did. They think you need to go all perverted and show more emotioanl feelings. That's not what emotional feelings are for.
Star Interactions Website Edit
I edited that Johnny Depp said hi to me on Twitter and that Helena Bonham Carter followed me on Twitter was in 2011|2012 instead of being sure it was 2011.
MySpace: Magical Things Edit
I added that the "Ghost Adventures" thing was during the day.
http://www.myspace.com/christina-barrett
http://www.myspace.com/christina-barrett
Okay...
...I'm going to finish folding my laundry and watch the rest of 2 episodes of "The Ellen Degeneres Show."
"The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" - Spoiler
Highlight to read: In The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, the older man believes that the youngest girl is telling the truth. It's also because she always tells the truth, the 2 older kids say, and the other kid who says she is lying doesn't.
How to Deal With the Truth
It's funny when you find all evidence leading to the truth, like someone, who did something someone wanted them to that they didn't want to do because usually it isn't nice, is clearly innocent and you know for a fact that, other than the incident of someone else wanting them to do something, they are more in the right than someone else.
There's the thing where since, you shouldn't have done it, you shouldn't even justify that you didn't mean it and act like the other person is guilty for wanting you to do it.
There's the thing where since, you shouldn't have done it, you shouldn't even justify that you didn't mean it and act like the other person is guilty for wanting you to do it.
Sides
It isn't polite to tell someone like me who tries to act European in America thatI'm not as much of a person from reality like supposedly Europe must be and not as European when it's clear I've always tried to just be very European.
On my part, there's only so much I can do. I suppose part of it is that my mom isn't European. I just don't have anything I can compete with.
On my part, there's only so much I can do. I suppose part of it is that my mom isn't European. I just don't have anything I can compete with.
Not Under Control
If something is private and you are convinced someone wanted you to do something through exchanging feelings, it seems that it really wasn't under control if it becomes a big deal later.
The Worst Thing That's Ever Happened to Me
was sleeping through trying for IMDb message boards profile 33333333. :( I am trying for 33443344 and 34343434. I just wanted it to look like hearts. I'm also interested in 44444444.
Website Update - MySpace - Middle Name and Confirmation Name
I added my middle name and confirmation name to the About Me section of About Me.
http://www.myspace.com/christina-barrett
http://www.myspace.com/christina-barrett
Website Update: Website of People
Website of People
I added pictures of Ellen Degeneres, Chloë Moretz, Alexa Vega, and Abigail Breslin.
I added pictures of Ellen Degeneres, Chloë Moretz, Alexa Vega, and Abigail Breslin.
Justification
I feel that people are justifying my worth to the peeves of others in order to pay the price.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Exercise
I haven't been exercising a whole lot lately, but I've been exercising. Today, I started doing push-ups and sit-ups, again.
I figured out why people who don't know you are harsher.
It's because they don't know you well and are bound to seem more harsh.
Not Starting out on the Right Foot
I seem guilty on start and didn't form any true relationships online. I was always so careful, also careful to look cool.
Asians
I think they have more control over their body. Europeans sometimes exaggerate looking like prehistorical cavemen. I was watching a commercial of teeth and noticed the similarities to mine. I could tell why they were so different.
Revelations
Did you ever feel that people were waiting for you to get fooled in how someone wants you to treat them and then treat you like "the scum of the earth?" Isn't that how most people are treated? That's because of how they think about others and how they treat them emotionally. They think they can get away with it, but they can't.
Friday, April 27, 2012
Trying to Make Good People Bad
I feel like people have tried to tell good people they are being too good and that it's silly to be afraid of doing certain things emotionally.
It's true, though, that some people do things that are slightly wacky just to make things more fun. It doesn't seem like the traditional thing to do, and I wonder if it's really the right thing to do.
It's true, though, that some people do things that are slightly wacky just to make things more fun. It doesn't seem like the traditional thing to do, and I wonder if it's really the right thing to do.
Practice doesn't always make perfect.
That's if you do it the wrong way.
There's no reason to rebel and act like you have to get something out on someone else.
There's no reason to rebel and act like you have to get something out on someone else.
Noise
It's not garbage day. Maybe, it's recycling day. I saw across the street an African-American in like a garbage truck. He like slammed the ground a few times after about 10 minutes. It was so loud and startling. It definitely affected me physically. I was just in the kitchen making supper. I don't usually do all of supper because my mom choses what she does and I wait for her in the evening and help if I'm not asleep.
Why didn't I think further?
I don't think I could. I should have known that even if someone wanted me to do something bad that they would get into more trouble if I did it. I mean if it was something I was doing to them, just to see me do it or maybe to tell others I did it. Maybe, they had nothing to do. Yea, I've seen people dare others to do things. It's just silly stuff, nothing like robbing a bank. You have to be careful because someone could tell the police if you do something funny to them. You can say they told you to do it, but it still wouldn't be a good experience. I took a lie detector test for fun. I don't know if they asked me anything. This was when I was 13, I think.
Medicine
In a way, it's too bad I went to the mental hospital. The medicine helped give me a brain tumor.
It was probably why I fell asleep when I was about to get a profile on IMDb and missed it.
It was probably why I fell asleep when I was about to get a profile on IMDb and missed it.
I figured it out!
I'm getting profile # 34343434 since I missed profile # 33333333!
If I miss that, I can get profile # 43434343. I think I want this one, anyway. I wonder what will happen to my friends list.
If I miss that, I can get profile # 43434343. I think I want this one, anyway. I wonder what will happen to my friends list.
Race
Why is it important for people to affirm their race in retrospect to someone who has part non-European?
On the Edge
Some people still have to size me up as though I did nothing wrong. Like, they have to justify why they didn't actually just think up for me a complete insult.
Hurt
People let others do things they wouldn't do without their consent, people can tell, to others. It turns out that people who aren't as close to you try to act like they are closer to you and affect your situation more.
My Brother's Dog
It seemed hurt from being a dog and started to make me feel uncomfortable. It was hurt from being a pet and not an individual. It doesn't have the same needs as humans. It chose to turn on me because I live with my parents and don't work and get to see lots of movies at the movie theater and go out with my dad and stuff a lot. Like, I have fun and am getting good attention from my parents and online. He just is the dog, sleeps and goes outside and eats and drinks. It surprises me how occupied he seems and how much he seems to understand. So, he's really affected me. Like I said, my mom used to put him in their room, which makes it smell. The dog wouldn't come in when it was a little rainy because he knows when he's wet I trap him in the porch. He seemed pretty mad, and under his breath it sounded like he said "the door" kinda like a horse being a little tortured. He seemed defiant to me a bit. He backed up on his back legs and was down on his front legs kind of writhing his head. I like keeping him outside, but he always wants to come in sometimes after not a very long time. I might have to confine him to my parents's bedroom.
Because of One's Faults
Because of one's faults, one can't|shouldn't torture others for having it better just because you wonder what you're worth, when you know perfectly well there are other people in other positions that are not so good and you leave them alone instead out of feer or for some reason some kind of respect.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
How People Are Around Me
People can't just wish they could be mean to you for a reason that exists when what happened was, like, I was really sent signals to call someone the "n" word, signaled by herself.
People are being mean to me racially as an excuse for me to stop mattering in anything I say. I know this is totally unfair.
It seems that every time Johnny Depp comes out with another huge movie that something like this happens. He's a good guy. I don't understand everyone's jealousy. I know that's also a sin, like not realizing that I didn't even do anything literally that needs to be forgiven but that needs to be forgotten because I didn't do it out of my own suggestion. It was out of the suggestion of who I did it to. Other people are the ones doing the deed to be mean to me.
It seems people are upset that I feel more comfortable with Johnny Depp, in a way, partly because I got used to being a fan as of now. I'm also from the same area partly. I'm guessing they think it's unfair in and of itself that for some reason he's very risque to them because they want to feel that way. That's how I feel now, in generality. I don't think people should play around in such a bad way with things Johnny Depp does that consider different in general that they didn't do before they knew him because that's been a specific trend going on.
I just felt some of a good feeling, though, like a feeling of being in another world, I suppose where no one can harm me. It was a line of flesh pumping up the side of my waist that felt like it wasn't me doing it.
I'm tired of people thinking they need to suggest some insult to me when supposedly none was suggested to them for something similar.
I think people just want to embarrass me and make me feel uncomfortable. They won't stop, even if I try to forget about them. I hope things change and get better.
People can't be so possessive of what they do in learning how to hate me, neither. They think it's something they have to do. Lots of people call people the "n" word when it wasn't because someone acted like they wanted to be called that. True, it might be different kinds of people, though, but that's another reason this is so awkward for me. People understand it was a misunderstanding or not, meaning they wanted me to do it, which seems to be what's surfacing unspoken-ly, so why not just realize that and stop bothering me? I know somewhat it's a safety precaution. I have to look into that it's for the fact that they might accidentally call me something more strongly. I've been a bit harmed, though, somehow, too. People just have to have it.
Do people feel bad about something you thought and that they did ask for? They just pretend these feelings weren't true? ... or am I wrong?
If there were more reasons to do something, that doesn't mean the person is wrong if there is an underlying reason otherwise.
Also, if you don't like something about a parent, it doesn't mean the child has to be like the parent was.
Saying Someone Did Something That You Consider Not Bad
Well, if it's something bad and you're too embarrassed to give all the information, things could get messy. I mean if it was just a misunderstanding. I thought someone was giving me signals to call them the "n" word, and I'm pretty sure they were. I don't think everyone would be treated as I am if they did that and that if they did that it would be for a bad reason. I thought they just wanted me to participate in losening up. I didn't want to. It feels that if I did for a bad reason I'd be in trouble. In a way, my life still goes on, in some ways better than it should and in others, well, losing profile 33333333, not so good.
Suggestions
People make suggestions that are too intense of people who aren't mean enough to me or so. They think I'm not worth it. No one should even be testing to have these things happen. I can't do anything to get out of this, and no one cares. It's not even my fault. If it were, I bet people would be so overwhelmed they'd be tempted to do the same thing. Actually, I think people would leave it alone as done. Maybe, they think I'll do something bad. It doesn't seem like it, though. The insults are starting to catapult elsewhere. It doesn't seem appropriate. It doesn't make sense to do that all of a sudden.
Middle Easterners and Asians
Jews use the Holocaust as a tool to say they deserve more pity than the Chinese, even though I know for instance I'm Chinese-Indonesian and we've been murdered in our homes AND told we are the most hated people, before the Holocaust.
So, it's used as a tool for the Jews to say they're better than the Chinese, as though the Chinese were the ones who killed the Jews.
So, I'm pretty jealous of the Jews because they are like the Middle Easterners. If I have Jew blood from my dad's mom, I'm okay, though.
IMDb Profile
I guess I will try for 33443344 and use that until I think of another number. I so wish I didn't fall asleep and set my cell alarm wrong when I was supposed to try for 33333333. I want something that looks like hearts. At first, I thought I wanted 33443344. My favorite number, as I said, is 322. It's been my number since the internet started to get popular. My profile number now is 33223322. So, I dunno, this one looks good, too. Maybe 34343434, too.
Guilt
When there's something it feels like you should do for awhile and then it turns out it's "something not to do," it doesn't seem that anything should be available of yours to others to be taken away, like emotionally. I mean, I never do anything totally wrong. I find people are thinking they can do stuff to me emotionally right and left. I seem to have this problem because I have awkward misunderstandings and stuff.
What to Do, What to Do
I just finished ironing my laundry. I'm wondering if I should watch the Ellen Show or camp out in my room catching up on "The Secret Circle" until it's time for me to get supper ready around 4:00 P.M. or 4:30 P.M. I may end up heating the supper partly in a little oven and then post on IMDb. I guess, when I catch up on "The Secret Circle,) I'll be able to watch the Ellen show more often. I dunno, I could get supper ready and watch the Ellen show. I dunno, maybe I need to reflect. I feel kinda bad. I was sleeping through getting the number 33333333 on IMDb because my cell alarm wasn't set at the right time. I was pretty tired when I set it that time. I should have counted better and gotten more sleep earlier. I'm not as excited about waiting for another number. I really wanted that one. :'(
I'm pretty good.
People are always acting mean around me and seem to be cursing at me in their heads.
Something to Do About Something
People act like there's something you can do about things, when there isn't. In reality, there has to be, but sometimes it doesn't happen right away, if not often.
Other Race
Why would someone act as though they are the scum of another race, when that race can represent what it really is supposedly in a positive way?
The Chinese weren't the ones who hurt the Jews.
Jews use the Holocaust as a tool to say they deserve more pity than the Chinese, even though I know for instance I'm Chinese-Indonesian and we've been murdered in our homes AND told we are the most hated people, before the Holocaust.
So, it's used as a tool for the Jews to say they're better than the Chinese, as though the Chinese were the ones who killed the Jews.
So, I'm pretty jealous of the Jews because they are like the Middle Easterners. If I have Jew blood from my dad's mom, I'm okay, though.
So, it's used as a tool for the Jews to say they're better than the Chinese, as though the Chinese were the ones who killed the Jews.
So, I'm pretty jealous of the Jews because they are like the Middle Easterners. If I have Jew blood from my dad's mom, I'm okay, though.
Something New
Have you ever really heard of your conscience telling you you have to be mean to someone that much for having a misunderstanding and doing something wrong? I think it all connects to race and jealousy if someone is going to be too mean.
You can dis the crime but not the person.
You can dis the crime but not the person.
Losing in Relationships
Whenever I feel it's like you're supposed to say something risqué because you're feeling awkward, though you don't want to, you know though like just this once until things smooth out ... like, someone can tell what you did even if there's like no way they could know literally.
"White"
Why would someone consider being less white to being more white than you when you actually like being "white?"
Getting Back for Nothing
People who have the wrong values think that one of said values is broken that they can do something wrong and cloak it as doing the same thing you did to them.
Well...
Now, is my big time to catch up on my personal life, and I just feel some people are in my face, if not most people I see.
Do you ever feel people are coming to get you?
Like, 1st, they try to hide that they want what you have. Next, they embarrass you. Then, they think they can hide getting from you what they consider payback.
It's like why are they in my life?
It's like why are they in my life?
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
I have a new IMDb sock!
The 3322 stands for hearts, like on my profile! I was trying for 33336666, but I was asleep. :(
http://www.imdb.com/user/ur33226666/boards/profile
http://www.imdb.com/user/ur33226666/boards/profile
I have a new IMDb profile!
http://www.imdb.com/user/ur33223322/boards/profile
It's actually my favorite number from when I was 11: 322.
It's actually my favorite number from when I was 11: 322.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Growing an Arm
When I went to school at the crack of the Great Lakes at a northern point of Ohio, lots of strange things happened.
When I lie on my bed and my eyes felt like they were glued shut, my hands, a few times, hardened up, the skeleton. It hurt so much, but it felt good after.
I saw a very complex mechanical bug crawl in through like a square hole in the ground while I waited for my laundry. It crawled around some and disappeared. I don't know why I didn't take it. I think next time I would.
When I lay in my bed, my left arm was glued to my eyes. My right forearm I could feel grew a foot and back in under a minute. It hurt so much, but I felt so good for a long time after. I still "feel good." I grew up down south. This was college, my 2nd year.
Another thing to take note is I was stuck in bed with my back like jelly for 3 days. It's too bad I didn't use the bathroom enough 1st. I had all kinds of sensations. I was led to believe I had 3 devils around me, but with a sense of humor and intelligence.
When I lie on my bed and my eyes felt like they were glued shut, my hands, a few times, hardened up, the skeleton. It hurt so much, but it felt good after.
I saw a very complex mechanical bug crawl in through like a square hole in the ground while I waited for my laundry. It crawled around some and disappeared. I don't know why I didn't take it. I think next time I would.
When I lay in my bed, my left arm was glued to my eyes. My right forearm I could feel grew a foot and back in under a minute. It hurt so much, but I felt so good for a long time after. I still "feel good." I grew up down south. This was college, my 2nd year.
Another thing to take note is I was stuck in bed with my back like jelly for 3 days. It's too bad I didn't use the bathroom enough 1st. I had all kinds of sensations. I was led to believe I had 3 devils around me, but with a sense of humor and intelligence.
Knife
I wasn't startled, at all. I just knew I didn't do it and was like oh well at the time. Too bad I don't have anything I can prove. I can't reprove growing.
I guess I do have to "get it out."
When I talk to my grandma, I find that like twice so far I start to sound evil about an elder of mine. I know it won't happen again with the same person because I can hardly remember what I just was like this time.
I don't like that, though. I was just feeling tacky. I feel a little funny today. Last night, I was waking up every hour to see what number IMDb was on with profiles. I didn't even gauge how far away it was and didn't need to be waking up. When I slept a lot once, I got to be about 5'5" and weighed one of my lightest weights. Normally, I'm up to 5'4", so it was like a dream come true. This time, I looked like I could be 5'6" if I stretched out. I measured again later to show my mom and saw I really was about that tall. When I slept a lot that other time, I slept about 1 1|2 days. I did wake up twice, at least.
Also, like I said earlier, yesterday, I saw a dark figure of a human similar to the way they look in what they catch on "Ghost Adventures." After I saw that show after taking a long break, I felt incited to see a ghost and saw something that looked like Tinkerbell from the musical Peter Pan. There was no way that could have been from anywhere near. I was in view of windows, but when I checked I knew there was no way that light could have moved there on the cupboard. Today, I had the pancake mix in a box and it wasn't near a knife on a plate, and the knife jiggled and fell off. I can't believe that people on TV calmly say like they saw a box of cracker jacks spin around and not act frightened.
I don't like that, though. I was just feeling tacky. I feel a little funny today. Last night, I was waking up every hour to see what number IMDb was on with profiles. I didn't even gauge how far away it was and didn't need to be waking up. When I slept a lot once, I got to be about 5'5" and weighed one of my lightest weights. Normally, I'm up to 5'4", so it was like a dream come true. This time, I looked like I could be 5'6" if I stretched out. I measured again later to show my mom and saw I really was about that tall. When I slept a lot that other time, I slept about 1 1|2 days. I did wake up twice, at least.
Also, like I said earlier, yesterday, I saw a dark figure of a human similar to the way they look in what they catch on "Ghost Adventures." After I saw that show after taking a long break, I felt incited to see a ghost and saw something that looked like Tinkerbell from the musical Peter Pan. There was no way that could have been from anywhere near. I was in view of windows, but when I checked I knew there was no way that light could have moved there on the cupboard. Today, I had the pancake mix in a box and it wasn't near a knife on a plate, and the knife jiggled and fell off. I can't believe that people on TV calmly say like they saw a box of cracker jacks spin around and not act frightened.
At Least
At least, I didn't curse everyone out in my head at the store. There was this one guy in the frozen section muttering curse words under his breath. Curse words did come up to me. I have one good defense, "perv." That's a defensive word and better than a curse word.
When I Do Something Very Wrong
I wonder if people now quit presenting me with certain ideas to get smarter and now just want to do it until it hurts. I guess they get tired and stop.
Different
I guess I have to accept what other people transmit to me. I can't be like them and when they tell me they can't be nice to me because I've been too bad they can tell, when really it was all just misunderstandings and I believe not as bad in a way as what I've sensed from other people in what they've done. I was considered and acknowledged already as a set pristine person.
What You Wish For ... Will Come True?
When people want to live in another world, it's just a modified version of this one, them not making mistakes and being bad!
I feel a little naughty.
It's hard for me to temper my thoughts right now. The TV is on. My dad is watching "Hardball," a political show. I would watch it with him. I was helping him with the yard after we got back from the store. We had fun, then. I'm glad IMDb doesn't seem to break down. I'll probably post on there to cool down and learn more social skills and how to deal with things. I think I'm just gonna accept what comes my way. I guess I just had to wind down. I am not normally quite this ridiculous. I try to be nice but interesting. I'm usually pretty steadfast in being a goody-good. I didn't think of it that way before, though. I just thought that you had to be humble and submissive.
Thinking of other things now I should jot down, I don't understand why ... I guess I do now. I think people think with my background that acting bad is not an excuse.
So, yea, I used to be kinda like trying to be interesting and have a purpose in life. I feel it was robbed from me in the tumultuous events of the more recent past. I was treated differently when people found out I was half Asian. I've never had people be suggestive to me before much. I think some people couldn't avoid it, in a way. I just wasn't accepted like everyone else. I said I was because I thought that was why I didn't blend in with how most girls my age looked. Now, the past is gone and it's so sad. I started on the internet to post late, age 21. Now, I'm almost 26. It's not late as in age, but I could have seen what it was like before. I didn't think to post on the IMDb Message Boards until I got lonely posting about Johnny Depp and Tim Burton movies on MySpace and Facebook. I don't know how the other people got there. It took me a year to do that much. I started posting like one post at a time on the Johnny Depp board for a week or month or few months. I wondered why they got deleted, and I found it was because they get deleted over time. I did look up things on the internet and sorely wanted to IM, but no one would do it with me. My 1st times, I did find an interesting board on penguins. It was a story with penguins in it, and it was so intelligent I couldn't retain it in my head. I should have recorded it, but I lost it and was so sad I just didn't go on the internet and think to post because it was the best opportunity and I lost it.
Thinking of other things now I should jot down, I don't understand why ... I guess I do now. I think people think with my background that acting bad is not an excuse.
So, yea, I used to be kinda like trying to be interesting and have a purpose in life. I feel it was robbed from me in the tumultuous events of the more recent past. I was treated differently when people found out I was half Asian. I've never had people be suggestive to me before much. I think some people couldn't avoid it, in a way. I just wasn't accepted like everyone else. I said I was because I thought that was why I didn't blend in with how most girls my age looked. Now, the past is gone and it's so sad. I started on the internet to post late, age 21. Now, I'm almost 26. It's not late as in age, but I could have seen what it was like before. I didn't think to post on the IMDb Message Boards until I got lonely posting about Johnny Depp and Tim Burton movies on MySpace and Facebook. I don't know how the other people got there. It took me a year to do that much. I started posting like one post at a time on the Johnny Depp board for a week or month or few months. I wondered why they got deleted, and I found it was because they get deleted over time. I did look up things on the internet and sorely wanted to IM, but no one would do it with me. My 1st times, I did find an interesting board on penguins. It was a story with penguins in it, and it was so intelligent I couldn't retain it in my head. I should have recorded it, but I lost it and was so sad I just didn't go on the internet and think to post because it was the best opportunity and I lost it.
When That Something Upsets Me
I think I will try to just take it now. It's hard to not react and wonder. I think I am allowed to wonder kinda, though, for some reason...
Getting It Out
I don't feel like I want to get anything out. When I stomped my foot one of the times at the grocery store today, I didn't plan on it. When I went to see Think Like a Man, I couldn't believe how affected I was by the person sitting next to me. I just couldn't stand it. The movie was exactly 2 hours long, too. So, I moved to the very front side. After I moved, I heard the whole theater laughing a lot of times. At one point, I got very happy and felt like there was something around me. Something else happened today. I was in the kitchen, and the knife just moved off the plate. Last night, I saw a black figure like they show in "Ghost Adventures" go across the street from where I ran from a gun.
The sad thing is I feel cool for stomping my feet and I think other people did as well. I got mad that it mattered if I sounded even a little like when I make a noise like it says "lesbian" and all the time people are sounding like those words about me, but like saying it but not really, like taking it back. It seems silly to follow. I guess it's just a precaution so it doesn't come full out. I'm trying to cope with it like that, but I know somehow, as soon as I do, it will become stronger, not necessarily if I keep my temper.
The other sad thing is I feel better too after doing that, like I know to cool down. I know something will upset me. I think my dad doesn't care so much because it made the trip more interesting. I wasn't acting like a baby. I just kinda stomped my foot. It was pretty deliberate, though.
The sad thing is I feel cool for stomping my feet and I think other people did as well. I got mad that it mattered if I sounded even a little like when I make a noise like it says "lesbian" and all the time people are sounding like those words about me, but like saying it but not really, like taking it back. It seems silly to follow. I guess it's just a precaution so it doesn't come full out. I'm trying to cope with it like that, but I know somehow, as soon as I do, it will become stronger, not necessarily if I keep my temper.
The other sad thing is I feel better too after doing that, like I know to cool down. I know something will upset me. I think my dad doesn't care so much because it made the trip more interesting. I wasn't acting like a baby. I just kinda stomped my foot. It was pretty deliberate, though.
Americans
It really is different from the rest of the world. That's how it is to me, at least. I feel like a different species or kinda un-European.
I think my dad's dad's side has rich Irish culture. They migrated here around 1900 I think. I guess the rest of my American ancestors are from the 1800s or 1700s.
I think my dad's dad's side has rich Irish culture. They migrated here around 1900 I think. I guess the rest of my American ancestors are from the 1800s or 1700s.
Weird
It's so weird that I want to be like an English girl, and I can't because I stop short when I realize my mom has European culture and learned the British accent. Then, it's just like being it, but I'm not all it. Even though she is Chinese-Indonesian with rich Dutch culture, it still is the same as like an Indian to an American. People from out of America just have this certain way of being, but my dad is American so I say it with being pretty American. :|
More TV
I still need to catch up on "The Secret Circle." It has an actor I like, Gale Harold.
I had liked watching "Late Show With David Letterman." He had Viggo Mortensen on his show.
I had liked watching "Late Show With David Letterman." He had Viggo Mortensen on his show.
"The Talk" - Julie Andrews
So, Julie Andrews was on "The Talk." I really enjoyed that. They talked about her performing. They also showed her new book. It was so cool to see her. Sharon Osborne usually hosts it but wasn't there this time. There was one English lady there. I look forward to seeing more of Julie Andrews.
"The Ellen Show"
I saw "The Ellen Show" for the 1st time. I've seen her on the internet, though, like the interviews. It actually made me have to laugh, and it's so weird because nothing actually does that. I admit recently some things did in relationships. I'll probably try to watch this every day. It's on at a good time for me. She and her show are so valuable. It's very good.
Help!
I've been getting upset, things piling up of interactions gone wrong. I went to the grocery store, with my dad. There was this dark woman with a half African-American daughter from dance, and she gave me bad vibes. I think I stomped my foot, but I don't remember. People sounded like they were calling me gay and stuff and I stomped my foot then. I don't know what happened, but it sure hurt.
Post Edit
I'd been editing the 1st post about the dog.
http://christinabarrett--86.blogspot.com/2012/04/punishment.html
http://christinabarrett--86.blogspot.com/2012/04/punishment.html
MySpace Edit: Race
I specified that the Scottish-Canadian said born "on the Atlantic."
https://www.myspace.com/christina-barrett
https://www.myspace.com/christina-barrett
Website Edit
I specified in my last picture that I was at Disney World. I'm not sure why I didn't say that before.
http://cb-methroughtheyears.weebly.com
http://cb-methroughtheyears.weebly.com
Ruin Their Lives
People find that someone was not perfect but not mean, and then they say oh well and ruin their lives.
Attractive
People present themselves as a stereotype and do something wrong. They realize they aren't as attractive but are happy as long as in the end they get the dominance in the situation.
"Punishment"
I am not the kind of person to be fascinated with having made any mistakes to feel a 24 hour a day sense of punishment.
Now, the dog is acting differently. It's my brother's dog. My mom used to put him in their bedroom, but I know it makes the room smell. I should be outta where I was, though. I need to make lunch for my dad and I, though.
Now, the dog is acting differently. It's my brother's dog. My mom used to put him in their bedroom, but I know it makes the room smell. I should be outta where I was, though. I need to make lunch for my dad and I, though.
Some People
All people do some things wrong and some things right and for different reasons. There's always a reason for everything.
Past
My grandma, my dad's mom, told me to leave the past behind. She actually told me this last night.
What Really Happens, Though
People just have awkward moments with little mistakes and even huge misunderstandings.
News
No one can present me with the news I've done something wrong and themselves remain immune.
I know what I'm doing. If I do something wrong, I should know.
I know what I'm doing. If I do something wrong, I should know.
Because of Me
This just happened to pop in my head when I was thinking about something I thought.
I noticed people like to make a big deal of something because it's me.
I noticed people like to make a big deal of something because it's me.
Monday, April 23, 2012
Perfect to Pest
People treat me like I'm a pest, and they used to treat me like I'm perfect.
I've done nothing outlandish literally but with explanation. I spent money my parents put in my account because they seemed to want me to spend it. I kept going back to school after failing because I thought they thought I could do it next time. (We only had to pay for 1 of 4 semesters, I think.) I used store credit cards where they bill you after because I thought it'd be more convenient, but my parents aren't paying it. The big thing, though, was I thought someone wanted me to call them the "n" word, and it's changed my life for now over 2 years. People around me can sense the guilt and don't get that they wanted me to do it.
When I was younger what I did wrong was not write enough to my aunt, not write back to my cousin in Indonesia because I kept wondering about if we could get fancy paper like her though I've written her back now, and thinking bursting out saying "I'd rather go blind than wear glasses" would help a girl who just got glasses.
Another big thing as a preteen was I said, "Oh no," when my dad got home because I wasn't finished with my homework, which was too much, and I couldn't see him properly and wanted him to know why without telling that I said that because I know he could. I wouldn't do that now, though.
I think I've apologized for most or all of these things.
I don't understand if there's an explanation that people think I can go from perfect to pest in one switch. I have a pretty solid background of being a goody-good but not a "suck-up." I wasn't exactly stuck-up, neither.
Oh, and my cousin from Indonesia has a pretty good upbringing, and I know she understands why I didn't write. If you're interested, I didn't write until she started college and I was 25. So, she's 18. I've had a hard life of usually just doing homework and sometimes a lot of activities to keep me going. It's also unbelievable. I have a feeling my cousin didn't go through that. I just thought of that and am not sure how it would connect. We did send her some of my old clothes and probably exchanged pictures. My mom's mom, who lives with her family, came to visit when I was starting high school, the summer before and into the year a little.
What happened was I was overloaded trying to be perfect. I'm not saying most other people don't. So, sometimes I made wrong decisions, decisions that were hard to make, more or less. So, sometimes I leaked imperfection but at a level of perfection that it essentially didn't have an affect.
Something else questionable might be that I had a foreign exchange student from Germany, a blonde with bleached hair who turned out to be 3|4 French. She was maybe a month younger. I had just been called to the counselor's for looking stressed the year before. I guess it seemed awkward I had a foreign exchange student. I know my family is safe, but my mom is Chinese-Indonesian and my dad is part Native American, I think just a little. I think that's the only reason it was awkward. I was into music a lot, too, and, when I went to college, a professional German soccer player studying to be a surgeon told me music was close to him because of his country, as though it were closer to him than to me. My foreign exchange student seemed different and was into soccer. My friend's foreign exchange student from Germany the year before didn't seem into music and probably got a job with horses. So, about being called to the counselor's, it just upset me, and when I said I might switch out of an Advanced Placement class into Honors like they suggested, which was hard on me, they just acted like it wasn't as good and I stayed and got bad grades in other classes because of this one. So, I didn't really have any problems. It was just the racial issue.
So, back to the topic, I was wondering why if at a high level of achievement I feel overloaded that I get treated like I'm a pest. Each thing I did had a logical explanation. Things are getting better, but really sometimes it's pretty hard and I don't exactly know why. I think people like to gauge how I'm treated in chosing what they think about me. I like to say things are okay, but it's never okay with everyone I run into it seems. They just all read into my conscience. It seems that the mistakes I made are being reiterated in my head over and over to the point I feel I'm not as good as I was before. I know that lots of people are using the "n" word in bad ways and that there seems to be no special explanation for it. They probably have people who are more tolerable to it, though. Remember, I didn't want to use it, I think. It wouldn't make sense. Sure, it can be fun to curse, but I'd not been doing it and have had these thoughts for awhile for some reason. I was having the thoughts that people wanted me to use the word, including the person I used it against. I didn't say, though, such-and-such is the "n" word nor actually "you 'n' word." People seem to not accept that and also actually seem embarrassed for what they tried to send as vibes toward me in what they say as I pass by etc. I don't think anyone leaves me alone, unless I'm at the store and really not paying attention.
So, basically, I'm wondering if I've been pretty good at being good, that when I do something wrong because of how hard it's getting to know what the right thing is with people acting like bad things are better and good things are stuck up really, why it's so punishable just to me with my intentions not being bad. They act like my being good before and now being reiterated that I'm bad is that, even though my upbringing is not so bad, that I'm bad for thinking I'm good because my mom is Chinese-Indonesian and my dad is part Native American. I don't like people wishing bad things on me because of my race. It's been this way since before I did things that affected me later, like what I mentioned.
So, it's like, I'm pretty good, but I leak some mistakes and get treated like I'm so bad. These people themselves don't seem to be as antsy as me, neither. Like, they are more of a casual type in a way. They are judging my values in not being casual, though, as though I am too casual when I'm not. Sometimes, it just gets hard.
It does hurt me to think that people I know dislike me. I have a big problem with encountering people in public. I don't know which is worse, but there are more people in public.
I've done nothing outlandish literally but with explanation. I spent money my parents put in my account because they seemed to want me to spend it. I kept going back to school after failing because I thought they thought I could do it next time. (We only had to pay for 1 of 4 semesters, I think.) I used store credit cards where they bill you after because I thought it'd be more convenient, but my parents aren't paying it. The big thing, though, was I thought someone wanted me to call them the "n" word, and it's changed my life for now over 2 years. People around me can sense the guilt and don't get that they wanted me to do it.
When I was younger what I did wrong was not write enough to my aunt, not write back to my cousin in Indonesia because I kept wondering about if we could get fancy paper like her though I've written her back now, and thinking bursting out saying "I'd rather go blind than wear glasses" would help a girl who just got glasses.
Another big thing as a preteen was I said, "Oh no," when my dad got home because I wasn't finished with my homework, which was too much, and I couldn't see him properly and wanted him to know why without telling that I said that because I know he could. I wouldn't do that now, though.
I think I've apologized for most or all of these things.
I don't understand if there's an explanation that people think I can go from perfect to pest in one switch. I have a pretty solid background of being a goody-good but not a "suck-up." I wasn't exactly stuck-up, neither.
Oh, and my cousin from Indonesia has a pretty good upbringing, and I know she understands why I didn't write. If you're interested, I didn't write until she started college and I was 25. So, she's 18. I've had a hard life of usually just doing homework and sometimes a lot of activities to keep me going. It's also unbelievable. I have a feeling my cousin didn't go through that. I just thought of that and am not sure how it would connect. We did send her some of my old clothes and probably exchanged pictures. My mom's mom, who lives with her family, came to visit when I was starting high school, the summer before and into the year a little.
What happened was I was overloaded trying to be perfect. I'm not saying most other people don't. So, sometimes I made wrong decisions, decisions that were hard to make, more or less. So, sometimes I leaked imperfection but at a level of perfection that it essentially didn't have an affect.
Something else questionable might be that I had a foreign exchange student from Germany, a blonde with bleached hair who turned out to be 3|4 French. She was maybe a month younger. I had just been called to the counselor's for looking stressed the year before. I guess it seemed awkward I had a foreign exchange student. I know my family is safe, but my mom is Chinese-Indonesian and my dad is part Native American, I think just a little. I think that's the only reason it was awkward. I was into music a lot, too, and, when I went to college, a professional German soccer player studying to be a surgeon told me music was close to him because of his country, as though it were closer to him than to me. My foreign exchange student seemed different and was into soccer. My friend's foreign exchange student from Germany the year before didn't seem into music and probably got a job with horses. So, about being called to the counselor's, it just upset me, and when I said I might switch out of an Advanced Placement class into Honors like they suggested, which was hard on me, they just acted like it wasn't as good and I stayed and got bad grades in other classes because of this one. So, I didn't really have any problems. It was just the racial issue.
So, back to the topic, I was wondering why if at a high level of achievement I feel overloaded that I get treated like I'm a pest. Each thing I did had a logical explanation. Things are getting better, but really sometimes it's pretty hard and I don't exactly know why. I think people like to gauge how I'm treated in chosing what they think about me. I like to say things are okay, but it's never okay with everyone I run into it seems. They just all read into my conscience. It seems that the mistakes I made are being reiterated in my head over and over to the point I feel I'm not as good as I was before. I know that lots of people are using the "n" word in bad ways and that there seems to be no special explanation for it. They probably have people who are more tolerable to it, though. Remember, I didn't want to use it, I think. It wouldn't make sense. Sure, it can be fun to curse, but I'd not been doing it and have had these thoughts for awhile for some reason. I was having the thoughts that people wanted me to use the word, including the person I used it against. I didn't say, though, such-and-such is the "n" word nor actually "you 'n' word." People seem to not accept that and also actually seem embarrassed for what they tried to send as vibes toward me in what they say as I pass by etc. I don't think anyone leaves me alone, unless I'm at the store and really not paying attention.
So, basically, I'm wondering if I've been pretty good at being good, that when I do something wrong because of how hard it's getting to know what the right thing is with people acting like bad things are better and good things are stuck up really, why it's so punishable just to me with my intentions not being bad. They act like my being good before and now being reiterated that I'm bad is that, even though my upbringing is not so bad, that I'm bad for thinking I'm good because my mom is Chinese-Indonesian and my dad is part Native American. I don't like people wishing bad things on me because of my race. It's been this way since before I did things that affected me later, like what I mentioned.
So, it's like, I'm pretty good, but I leak some mistakes and get treated like I'm so bad. These people themselves don't seem to be as antsy as me, neither. Like, they are more of a casual type in a way. They are judging my values in not being casual, though, as though I am too casual when I'm not. Sometimes, it just gets hard.
It does hurt me to think that people I know dislike me. I have a big problem with encountering people in public. I don't know which is worse, but there are more people in public.
Website Edit: Labeling of Me Through the Years
http://cb-methroughtheyears.weebly.com
One thing that might be interesting, I added that 1 of the pictures was of my 3rd birthday.
One thing that might be interesting, I added that 1 of the pictures was of my 3rd birthday.
Extremes and Mediums
If you are in the middle of some basic things or standards, then you don't have to compromise for the interest of an extreme.
I thought of a new tip.
4. One technic in singing is to think low when you sing high and to think high when you sing low.
Punished for Thinking a Point That My Punishment is in Error
I made a point in my thinking, and it was sensed what I thought. I found out that things people acted like around me were inappropriate if even thought of around someone else. That made me very mad because people have never respected me that much that I deserve.
My conclusion was that that person was wrong to act like I did something wrong when I couldn't help thinking what not to act like around her. She could tell what I acted like. That's the lady from the post 2 posts before this one.
My other conclusion is that this is Orlando and people here are goody-good but when it comes to punishment bad. They think disciplining others is their only "outlet." I'm over and above that. I only called someone the "n" word because they acted like they wanted me to, and now it's people other than them that act critical around me all the time because they can sense it and I even told them. However, they weren't mad at me when I told them and seemed to agree it wasn't my fault in a way but still seem defensive to the people who wanted me to do it to them.
My conclusion was that that person was wrong to act like I did something wrong when I couldn't help thinking what not to act like around her. She could tell what I acted like. That's the lady from the post 2 posts before this one.
My other conclusion is that this is Orlando and people here are goody-good but when it comes to punishment bad. They think disciplining others is their only "outlet." I'm over and above that. I only called someone the "n" word because they acted like they wanted me to, and now it's people other than them that act critical around me all the time because they can sense it and I even told them. However, they weren't mad at me when I told them and seemed to agree it wasn't my fault in a way but still seem defensive to the people who wanted me to do it to them.
Permanent Solutions and Closings
People seem to think with me now if I do something I didn't mean to do later that something important should be compromised from me and that feelings that make me happy should stop and be forgotten as memories when I'm already on a roll myself.
I don't know if it's just me or if it's from being around others. It's like a paranoia now. I even feel bad if someone wants me to stop thinking about something. I guess I feel some people feel around me that I cause them problems just by them knowing me. I just feel this submission to others's peeves off what I think. I have to know that sometimes some things won't come to me but that some things can come back or start anew. That's probably the safest way to be at this point. I mean, you can't be left with no joy. That would be melancholy. I suppose if you were in jail, though, you would be encouraged to still enjoy life however you can legally. If you aren't in jail, people seem to feel you did something wrong and deserve to suffer if someone else in the world is in jail but that they themselves couldn't for some reason also be one subject to this cruel and unusual punishment. I only know that people who have harmed others should be monitored psychitrically in a closed environment. When they are better, they can be released, but they may never stop being dangerous, in which case they have to stay within a prison environment.
I don't know if it's just me or if it's from being around others. It's like a paranoia now. I even feel bad if someone wants me to stop thinking about something. I guess I feel some people feel around me that I cause them problems just by them knowing me. I just feel this submission to others's peeves off what I think. I have to know that sometimes some things won't come to me but that some things can come back or start anew. That's probably the safest way to be at this point. I mean, you can't be left with no joy. That would be melancholy. I suppose if you were in jail, though, you would be encouraged to still enjoy life however you can legally. If you aren't in jail, people seem to feel you did something wrong and deserve to suffer if someone else in the world is in jail but that they themselves couldn't for some reason also be one subject to this cruel and unusual punishment. I only know that people who have harmed others should be monitored psychitrically in a closed environment. When they are better, they can be released, but they may never stop being dangerous, in which case they have to stay within a prison environment.
A Scary Situation
Well, I went to an Indian concert, and there was a very nice lady at the front when I went to buy a bottle of water for $1. I didn't let her turn me on too much. There was a man there who acted like she "shouldn't do that." That insulted me very much, as I don't like to be monitored out of a good experience in a city in a way I don't know much about yet. It's because they can see I've done something I shouldn't have in the past and have been psyched out of thinking it wasn't my fault. When I went back there after the concert to buy a CD, she seemed turned off like she did something wrong. I didn't know it was true that people who are nice to me get into trouble.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Saturday, April 21, 2012
All Ready
I took a shower and feel clean. I'm in some PJs. I did my nails and they look good and are drying. I'm probably doing the towels today. When my nails dry, I'll figure out something to eat for breakfast, but I don't feel like having breakfast food. I will probably have the last of the raviolis and 2 meat and bean burritos.
I deleted some posts on these IMDb accounts.
I deleted some on these yesterday:
http://www.imdb.com/user/ur33203320/boards/profile
I deleted some in a topic I made on this just now:
http://www.imdb.com/user/ur33150331/boards/profile
http://www.imdb.com/user/ur33203320/boards/profile
I deleted some in a topic I made on this just now:
http://www.imdb.com/user/ur33150331/boards/profile
I'm lying down for a little while.
I might fall asleep. I hope not, though, and kinda don't think I can|will.
Friday, April 20, 2012
Thursday, April 19, 2012
I feel like going to sleep.
I am having fun on the internet. I was gonna jog, but I guess I could take a break. For some reason, I didn't eat dessert, neither.
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