Sunday, May 20, 2012
I told my mom I was tired.
I was so tired I felt like I was gonna die, my legs. So, at the computer sitting up, I'm not tired, though.
Oh, rats!
I should've gotten more sleep for my birthday. It's a 24 hour vigilance to stay out of trouble here.
I mean, nothing happened, but I felt compelled to think. A lot. Today. Like about things that people disagree on with or about me.
I mean, nothing happened, but I felt compelled to think. A lot. Today. Like about things that people disagree on with or about me.
Ballet
At the ballet recital, there was this really spunky dude with light brown hair. He was so cheesy! There was a small one, too, with a few parts but featured over others.
Oh...
...So, if I were more comfortable, I wouldn't have all these problems. Comfortable. Comforted. In command.
Also
Once in the bathroom, there was this tall lady looking at me sarcastically in the mirror, but I stared at myself and noticed how much more serious and detailed I looked. She, like most people there it seemed, had a small oval head. I can't believe she did that and that people are so sarcastic.
When I was waiting in line for Splash Mountain, I really clicked with some teenagers in front of me. There were some skinny German-looking boys and some girls. I saw lots of toenail polish, probably. They just seemed really nice. One couple looked like they wanted me as their child. They were realistic looking blondes. The man seemed kinda Aussie, and the female had little like almost ringlets in a way. They seemed really happy where they were. They seemed to have a lot of hope for the future. I guess the later baby boomers are really getting it together, these days. Why wait so long? :(
When I was waiting in line for Splash Mountain, I really clicked with some teenagers in front of me. There were some skinny German-looking boys and some girls. I saw lots of toenail polish, probably. They just seemed really nice. One couple looked like they wanted me as their child. They were realistic looking blondes. The man seemed kinda Aussie, and the female had little like almost ringlets in a way. They seemed really happy where they were. They seemed to have a lot of hope for the future. I guess the later baby boomers are really getting it together, these days. Why wait so long? :(
Disney World for My 26th Birthday
1st, my dad and I got FASTPASSes for Splash Mountain.
Then, we went on the Haunted Mansion. I asked to sit with my dad. We had so much fun. He was jammin'!
On Splash Mountain, I did something of a death scream. I screamed from the top, but when I get to nearer to the bottom I can't help but scream. It turned into a sound like I was in terror of the thought of death.
After that, my dad and I got FASTPASSes for Space Mountain. I can't believe he actually went on it!
We watched the Country Bear Jamboree. I actually did that! When I clapped, it sounded like the word "gay," ruffled, and it seemed to make people happy. I swear that ride was made after the suburb I lived in by New Orleans. I just couldn't take it when I was 18. It's like a part of me died. It doesn't mean anything to me, now. It just is what it is. I was a bit critical of it, following the bears's every move.
At some point, I guess, we went on Small World. I didn't take pictures this time. I like video recording it, too, but even this has lost meaning to me. It's just not that fascinating. It's cute and probably good if you're in a good mood. At the end, there's people in white costumes and my mom always told me they were Indonesia. There's a couple at the very end. They don't have an Indonesian exhibit. That creeps me out because I'm half Chinese-Indonesian. It would have been nice, simply.
So, then, I guess my dad and I went on Space Mountain. I swear, I almost thought he was going to die. He might have if, as I told them when we were eating dinner, he didn't hear the reassurance or whatever of my voice through my screaming in warning to him of what I felt was coming. It wasn't the bad cycle. When he came outta there, he said how his teeth were knocking together. This ride I usually cannot stand the jerkiness of, but this time it was smooth sailing. Every time, I think my grandma would die if she went on it. When I got home, I asked my dad what if Grandma went on it, and he said as one option she'd die. He said she wouldn't go on it.
At some point, we watched the Philharmagic thing. I didn't really want to see it, and it stimulated me a lot. I couldn't help it. It's funny, yes I went to the bathroom like 10 times, I wasn't stimulated by the Country Bear Jamboree.
I guess we had dinner. I had the platter I saw on the website of the cheapest level but health food. It was chicken, green beans, and potatos. I had to start my diet early so I wouldn't die.
My brother and I went on the cars. I can't drive, but I managed to turn perfectly. It was, of course, knock knock knock knock. At the end, no one but me noticed the sign, which I easily read for some reason, to keep cars a car's length distance between one another.
I went on Space Mountain a 2nd time, this time alone. Mr. Goody 2 Shoes, who got a FASTPASS with me for it, didn't go and was eating a thing of swirly vanilla ice cream when I came out. This one was bad. I thought my head was gonna hit something. There were so many drops. One drop was faster in a way than Splash Mountain but shorter. It was quite jerky, in a way. The funny thing was, when I saw the African-American in front of me, I thought of the word Vietnamese and he seemed to think that was so funny. He seemed to know I was Chinese Indonesian, but since I'm from the south I didn't have it in me to react. I hit the front of my car, which was a separate car attached to the back of his, while riding when it was still low. I am pretty sure he thought, "Okay, I don't know what that was." At the end, he seemed to forget it.
Before we went, we ate at Sizzler's, breakfast. I automatically got pancakes and eggs, fried. Then, I got some slices of ham and a slice of pineapple.
So, my dad also said he was lose on the Space Mountain. Ooh, Thunder Mountain was closed. It looks like he experienced things he had never experienced.
Oh, we also went on the Carousel of Progress. For some reason, I was stimulated there, too. I think people were thinking of how the blonde girls were stimulated and so had blonde hair.
So, I had a good time and couldn't help how funny it was my dad went on Space Mountain!
I didn't find any souvenirs and like didn't have any money. We watched the fireworks. While I was trekking through the gift shop with my dad in my shadow, my mom and brother were watching some little dance of lights with like Mary Poppins and other music. I saw Tinkerbell slide across the wire moving her wand.
So, we all had a really good time. I guess I'm lucky we didn't also go on Peter Pan, though I would have liked it, and that bunch. Oh, and for supper I had bottled water. :D
It was funny, on the monorail, which both ways I held the side rail and looked out the window, I was thinking of something as I got out and a lady who was probably born in the 40s made me lose the feeling in my head. I was afraid to bring that back. When I stopped thinking of what I was thinking of, she stopped making me lose feeling so quickly. It all happened so fast.
It was also neat, I wore my prescription contacts for the 1st time. 1 of them isn't a specialized prescription.
So, I had so much fun, today! I think my favorite might be ... going on the Haunted Mansion with my dad. I also liked near the end of the drop of Splash Mountain and the 2nd time of Space Mountain. The 1st time, these boys who seemed to be watching me who my dad said probably went on a lot were also screaming. My screaming wasn't so attractive today, but like on Space Mountain I sounded like Tarzan, king of the apes, like alternating my voice for a long time. I stopped after some more than half over was. I was so worried about my dad, but I didn't want to ruin the experience for him.
So, this was really really good!
Then, we went on the Haunted Mansion. I asked to sit with my dad. We had so much fun. He was jammin'!
On Splash Mountain, I did something of a death scream. I screamed from the top, but when I get to nearer to the bottom I can't help but scream. It turned into a sound like I was in terror of the thought of death.
After that, my dad and I got FASTPASSes for Space Mountain. I can't believe he actually went on it!
We watched the Country Bear Jamboree. I actually did that! When I clapped, it sounded like the word "gay," ruffled, and it seemed to make people happy. I swear that ride was made after the suburb I lived in by New Orleans. I just couldn't take it when I was 18. It's like a part of me died. It doesn't mean anything to me, now. It just is what it is. I was a bit critical of it, following the bears's every move.
At some point, I guess, we went on Small World. I didn't take pictures this time. I like video recording it, too, but even this has lost meaning to me. It's just not that fascinating. It's cute and probably good if you're in a good mood. At the end, there's people in white costumes and my mom always told me they were Indonesia. There's a couple at the very end. They don't have an Indonesian exhibit. That creeps me out because I'm half Chinese-Indonesian. It would have been nice, simply.
So, then, I guess my dad and I went on Space Mountain. I swear, I almost thought he was going to die. He might have if, as I told them when we were eating dinner, he didn't hear the reassurance or whatever of my voice through my screaming in warning to him of what I felt was coming. It wasn't the bad cycle. When he came outta there, he said how his teeth were knocking together. This ride I usually cannot stand the jerkiness of, but this time it was smooth sailing. Every time, I think my grandma would die if she went on it. When I got home, I asked my dad what if Grandma went on it, and he said as one option she'd die. He said she wouldn't go on it.
At some point, we watched the Philharmagic thing. I didn't really want to see it, and it stimulated me a lot. I couldn't help it. It's funny, yes I went to the bathroom like 10 times, I wasn't stimulated by the Country Bear Jamboree.
I guess we had dinner. I had the platter I saw on the website of the cheapest level but health food. It was chicken, green beans, and potatos. I had to start my diet early so I wouldn't die.
My brother and I went on the cars. I can't drive, but I managed to turn perfectly. It was, of course, knock knock knock knock. At the end, no one but me noticed the sign, which I easily read for some reason, to keep cars a car's length distance between one another.
I went on Space Mountain a 2nd time, this time alone. Mr. Goody 2 Shoes, who got a FASTPASS with me for it, didn't go and was eating a thing of swirly vanilla ice cream when I came out. This one was bad. I thought my head was gonna hit something. There were so many drops. One drop was faster in a way than Splash Mountain but shorter. It was quite jerky, in a way. The funny thing was, when I saw the African-American in front of me, I thought of the word Vietnamese and he seemed to think that was so funny. He seemed to know I was Chinese Indonesian, but since I'm from the south I didn't have it in me to react. I hit the front of my car, which was a separate car attached to the back of his, while riding when it was still low. I am pretty sure he thought, "Okay, I don't know what that was." At the end, he seemed to forget it.
Before we went, we ate at Sizzler's, breakfast. I automatically got pancakes and eggs, fried. Then, I got some slices of ham and a slice of pineapple.
So, my dad also said he was lose on the Space Mountain. Ooh, Thunder Mountain was closed. It looks like he experienced things he had never experienced.
Oh, we also went on the Carousel of Progress. For some reason, I was stimulated there, too. I think people were thinking of how the blonde girls were stimulated and so had blonde hair.
So, I had a good time and couldn't help how funny it was my dad went on Space Mountain!
I didn't find any souvenirs and like didn't have any money. We watched the fireworks. While I was trekking through the gift shop with my dad in my shadow, my mom and brother were watching some little dance of lights with like Mary Poppins and other music. I saw Tinkerbell slide across the wire moving her wand.
So, we all had a really good time. I guess I'm lucky we didn't also go on Peter Pan, though I would have liked it, and that bunch. Oh, and for supper I had bottled water. :D
It was funny, on the monorail, which both ways I held the side rail and looked out the window, I was thinking of something as I got out and a lady who was probably born in the 40s made me lose the feeling in my head. I was afraid to bring that back. When I stopped thinking of what I was thinking of, she stopped making me lose feeling so quickly. It all happened so fast.
It was also neat, I wore my prescription contacts for the 1st time. 1 of them isn't a specialized prescription.
So, I had so much fun, today! I think my favorite might be ... going on the Haunted Mansion with my dad. I also liked near the end of the drop of Splash Mountain and the 2nd time of Space Mountain. The 1st time, these boys who seemed to be watching me who my dad said probably went on a lot were also screaming. My screaming wasn't so attractive today, but like on Space Mountain I sounded like Tarzan, king of the apes, like alternating my voice for a long time. I stopped after some more than half over was. I was so worried about my dad, but I didn't want to ruin the experience for him.
So, this was really really good!
Saturday, May 19, 2012
How I'm Feeling
I have me new contact lenses in.
I feel like a mess. I don't really feel like sleeping, but I guess I may lie down. I'm just worried about waking up.
I feel like a mess. I don't really feel like sleeping, but I guess I may lie down. I'm just worried about waking up.
Nice and Happy
I had a bowl of cereal. That's a change. I've been shying away from breakfast since my brother got home, but I guess I should eat it, even if alone.
I'm not tired.
I do anticipate what the day will bring, with a positive attitude. Oh, I have to have cereal for breakfast, so I may be back by 7:30 A.M. but probably sooner.
That entails...
...taking a shower and bath, drying my hair, getting dressed, putting on sunblock, and putting on makeup.
We had vegetables, before, too.
Like, we had broccoli and cauliflower. We had carrots and cucumbers almost every supper, and it seemed like not all families had vegetables, every day. I know I used to not like eating them but that now I do. There's no reason for me to be pigging out.
Restaurants
They have good food.
Lately, my mom's been working on stir-frying vegetables.
Also, we have either I think red rice, brown rice maybe, or white rice with turmeric which makes it look yellow. My aunt told me she likes bread. We don't have bread, much. I do miss cornbread. We get it when we eat from Boston Market. I like biscuits, too, which we don't have much, partly since we don't get fried chicken much but do get it from the grocery store, I guess for money concerns. I guess those movies are still worth it, but I dunno. Maybe, I'm feeling bad from the hot dogs, now. I'm tired of Chef Boyardee and before macaroni and cheese. Maybe, I should really get into salads. I need to start having cereal for breakfast, too. Other than salad, I could work on making raw meat for myself. I can make cornbread and mash potatos. Then, there's also hush puppies, okra, and brussels sprouts. I don't think the grocery store here has okra, but it did in the New Orleans area. I don't like peppers that much. I guess, if I was able to just have raw chicken as a toddler, I can juggle this variety. I need to get serious here. I can't even fall asleep? Was I too late. If I knew I had the night, I might be more eager to start sleeping.
Lately, my mom's been working on stir-frying vegetables.
Also, we have either I think red rice, brown rice maybe, or white rice with turmeric which makes it look yellow. My aunt told me she likes bread. We don't have bread, much. I do miss cornbread. We get it when we eat from Boston Market. I like biscuits, too, which we don't have much, partly since we don't get fried chicken much but do get it from the grocery store, I guess for money concerns. I guess those movies are still worth it, but I dunno. Maybe, I'm feeling bad from the hot dogs, now. I'm tired of Chef Boyardee and before macaroni and cheese. Maybe, I should really get into salads. I need to start having cereal for breakfast, too. Other than salad, I could work on making raw meat for myself. I can make cornbread and mash potatos. Then, there's also hush puppies, okra, and brussels sprouts. I don't think the grocery store here has okra, but it did in the New Orleans area. I don't like peppers that much. I guess, if I was able to just have raw chicken as a toddler, I can juggle this variety. I need to get serious here. I can't even fall asleep? Was I too late. If I knew I had the night, I might be more eager to start sleeping.
So, my mom had trash, too.
In Indonesia, they had sweet stuff like lo mein and pork rolls. However, they didn't have much. She, on top of that, didn't eat much and did exercise.
So, I was born addicted to bad food?
That seems to be the notion of being an American by blood. I had a craving for trash. I did erase it, but I didn't have enough variety. I wonder what I should eat for snacks. I used to have those healthy crackers with cheese in college. I had oranges sometimes at one point as a high schooler. My brother had soup, today. I guess I should chose one of the more healthier things today. They are expensive but not exquisite.
Oh, no!
I have a scab from dried skin staying up tonight. It's the medicine!!! It's ruining my sleeping habits to take it in gaps of days.
Hungry After Supper
I shouldn't have had at least the hot dogs if I knew that's what I might have to eat today.
Now
I'm pigging out for my birthday. It might matter. We'll see if I'm still hungry for pizza today. 3 days in a row. I thought eating would put me to sleep. It does, sometimes, but I guess not now. I've heard it can wake you up. I've had a good night, and I've slept a lot already this week, I made sure. It's hard for me to sleep with an irregular schedule of medicine. I just got a lower dosage I can take more often now. If I take it, though, now, I'll sleep for like 10-12 hours. I should eat cold cuts or something. I need to go to the store with my dad, but since my brother is home from college I'm trying to keep to myself more. Maybe, I should pick something else to eat for the rest of my birthday, maybe go out to a restaurant for my birthday tomorrow. I kinda just wanna stay home, but I don't know what to eat. I wonder what would be appropriate. I kinda wanna go back to Olive Garden.
My Aunt Survived
The older aunt survived eating out and was a police. Her husband is an army colonel.
The younger aunt is taller than her and seems either naturally skinny or also seems to not eat too much. I don't know if she gets tired, but she is able to work.
The younger aunt is taller than her and seems either naturally skinny or also seems to not eat too much. I don't know if she gets tired, but she is able to work.
Mashed Potatos
For some reason, we haven't had that since we moved here almost, maybe, which is about 7 years. I used to never want to peel them because I was tired and not finished with my homework. I figured later that the chores could help, but I'm still worried I need the time for homework. I think I did. Maybe, we should have eaten more food. My mom seems to cater what seems to be popular to how we eat. I think I have a lot to catch up on. My mom was hoping I could work when I left college at 20, but I just don't feel I could stand it, doing nothing. I just don't feel good. I feel jittery, like I need something for my system. My parents are adamant about health. My dad even regretted not putting us on strict diets growing up, which sounds excruciating. My mom didn't have means like she did in Indonesia on what to eat.
Tea
Well, also, I had tea, but, for some reason, we stopped. I don't think I liked it a lot. I always acted up about it, but I didn't like whine whine.
The food might be better than some family's are seen to be...
...other families's eating habits...
We didn't have fast food other than Chick-fil-A before my brother was born. It was so neat. I lived in southeastern Florida, and it has the same feel today, in a way. I also liked the alcohol-free piña colada.
I don't understand why I had a hot dog, a whole hot dog, at age 2. What we have now is 25% fat. I was hungry, though, after the 1 hot dog and bowl of beef-flavored Ramon Noodles.
When I was young, I remember just having like plain chicken with ketchup, though I didn't want the ketchup. I knew that I could have had something else, but for some reason that was what we had. I guess it was neat to my dad to just have chicken, but I was a growing girl. I am thankful it was plain. I just don't see why I felt compelled to use the ketchup.
We didn't have fast food other than Chick-fil-A before my brother was born. It was so neat. I lived in southeastern Florida, and it has the same feel today, in a way. I also liked the alcohol-free piña colada.
I don't understand why I had a hot dog, a whole hot dog, at age 2. What we have now is 25% fat. I was hungry, though, after the 1 hot dog and bowl of beef-flavored Ramon Noodles.
When I was young, I remember just having like plain chicken with ketchup, though I didn't want the ketchup. I knew that I could have had something else, but for some reason that was what we had. I guess it was neat to my dad to just have chicken, but I was a growing girl. I am thankful it was plain. I just don't see why I felt compelled to use the ketchup.
"The Young and the Restless"
Today, I don't understand, I ate a lot. I guess I need a longer period of time of eating 3 meals a day.
Good Food
I dunno, I remember being very healthy before my brother was born. I don't know what happened. I don't know why my brother is like he is. Well, we might have started eating differently before he was born. I just remember feeling funny. I gained weight when I added ballet to just taking gymnastics. I wasn't that fat, but like it seems my head looked bigger and my face more rounded rather than gaunt. It's like I was butchered in ballet. I felt funny before that. I used to hurt so much in pre-school when I peeled skin that was already peeling off my fingers. For some reason, even though I knew I wasn't supposed to, I was addicted to putting "buggers" on the floor and sofa. In kindergarten, my dad told me later I was considered mentally retarded, kinda, but got in gifted. For some reason, the teacher's instructions flew over my head. I felt tired and just like I didn't fit in, like it affected me too much. I'm kind of the opposite as an adult.
Maybe, I should call it off with my grandma?
I do like talking to her every day, but I think she'll lose interest, after awhile.
My Grandma
I'm not sure why she thinks now is a good time for me to start talking every day to her. I am suspicious because she usually sends me a card a few days early, and I didn't get one for this birthday, yet. Maybe, she doesn't want to admit it's my birthday, again. She said she got my younger aunt a card late, as well. My older aunt didn't give me a card, neither. Neither did my younger aunt. I guess it was dishonest the way I've been being treated, for no reason, really. It happened all of a sudden, like if I get a little upset, close something like a cupboard a little harder, suddenly everyone changes. They hold onto things, too much.
Energy
Well, it seems that in order for me to function calling my grandma is a part of my life. I've had hard feelings because it's obvious to her I'm home to be with my parents and little brother when he's home from college. For some reason, like I'm still catching up on rest from school, the day goes by. It goes by quickly. If I'm awake in the day, I can end up preparing 3 meals. I do all the chores other than my parents's laundry and until I know how to use the vacuum cleaner. We have a dog, my brother's dog. I used to try to walk him, but I notice my mom does alone, again. I like having hours on end at the computer, and I have that time at night. Also, now that my brother is here, he is up until 3 A.M. So, when he goes to bed, I watch "The Ellen DeGeneres Show." I've been laying around idly and not calling my grandma as much. I skipped jogging the past few days, too. I only feel active if I call my grandma. We talk every day, normally. I need to feel active in order to get into a healthy sleep routine. I've had appointments, lately, stopping me. They are about over for now. That's what's been getting in the way. I used to even cancel all my doctor-like appointments so that I would never have a day leaving the house. However, I go to the movies with my dad on weekends. The dentist makes my teeth okay, too. When I skipped, I got stains. That might be a coincidence. I guess I can just accept the present and what comes with it.
I just might be drowsy tomorrow.
I'll be awake when I'm doing something. I hope I get to sleep! I thought I'd need to post on IMDb some to get tired. I just felt wide awake in bed.
I mean...
I mean to back me up since one night of sleep doesn't seem to do it. I know I won't be tired.
Waiting
I've been making sure I slept enough over a period of time just for this day. I should lie down soon.
Condiments for Tomorrow
I'm making sure I'm drinking enough water for tomorrow and am eating breakfast in the morning.
I'm uploading a new video of me singing.
It's kinda bad I see, but most of it is good in some way to me.
Okay, I just got my food.
My brother is up, too. I thought I'd be asleep by now, but I had a feeling kinda like the opposite of when I 1st moved to the New Orleans suburb.
Dessert
My aunt and I shared cake for dessert. I couldn't even finish my pizza. I think I'll go finish it now and that'll put me to sleep, though last time I had the 2 hot dogs and the hamburger it made me tired but then not for a long time. I did regret getting up. So, I guess I'll eat the pizza and breadsticks then come back and post on IMDb.
I wasn't tired at all, today.
My psychiatrist lowered my prescription back down by 25%. I may just have it every other day or cut it in half. He's gonna lower it again later. I may switch psychiatrists for medical insurance, but if we like this one we may stay.
I was tired after the "wine." Other than that, just a few bursts of being tired. I slept 20 hours one day and a lot the next, so. I'm also used to staying up late. I do feel like going to bed sometime. Maybe, I'll mellow down on IMDb.
I was tired after the "wine." Other than that, just a few bursts of being tired. I slept 20 hours one day and a lot the next, so. I'm also used to staying up late. I do feel like going to bed sometime. Maybe, I'll mellow down on IMDb.
I'm going to get plump plump plump this weekend I may die.
It's my birthday! :D
Pizza at Olive Garden today, pizza tomorrow, pizza the next day.
The past 2 days, I've had 2 hot dogs and a hamburger as once for extra food at night and wasn't full. The 1st time I also had a can of Chef Boyardee spaghetti and meatballs.
Pizza at Olive Garden today, pizza tomorrow, pizza the next day.
The past 2 days, I've had 2 hot dogs and a hamburger as once for extra food at night and wasn't full. The 1st time I also had a can of Chef Boyardee spaghetti and meatballs.
I'm packing 3 umbrellas.
For some reason, I feel like I'm not bringing much this time but did last time.
Didn't Really Like the Wine I Tried
It made me feel like I was gonna explode. I had wine with evaporated alcohol on food at Olive Garden.
Friday, May 18, 2012
New Photos of Me
I'm waiting until I have enough money to get Photobucket Pro since I upload so many pictures.
Flickr
or
Photobucket
Flickr
or
Photobucket
I might go to sleep soon.
Remember, I am gonna leave this afternoon until late tomorrow night. I'm not sure if I'll have idle time this afternoon.
I came back to reality
to live life and hope to be able to function at the same time as seeing the spectacular, for myself. I think it's always right to do what's right. Magic can take care of itself. I always had this feeling I shouldn't be somewhere, though. Like, I had to come home from college, for a long time, to catch up on sleep. It's been 6 years, though. Somehow, I'm improving greatly.
"Follow the Yellow Brick Road"
If you do what you're supposed to, you won't really be admitting unnecessary things. You'll discover magic! There's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
This Is Just the Beginning | How I Got to the Top in Life
If people did what they were supposed to, they would create or find another form of life, see magic seeping in and out somehow to how much they can accept it and still live feeling like a normal person or not. It's complicated to do what you're supposed to and can take time, apparently. I'm not admitting things that should not be admitted when I try to exemplify being cool! It might not be perfect. It might be. It's something that seeps in and out, as well. Supposedly, there's something called "practice." If you like something, you can do it over and over. Sure, details are important. Those things lead up to comfort. I guess I somehow blasted myself off this planet because of racial impossibility|discomfort.
Funny Implications
Why would someone imply that another person cares ... cares about being good? That's the 1st step, overcoming that obstacle.
I was listening to AOL Radio
and to classical Christmas music and was inspired to sing, but I guess I've lost my voice. I can sing, but it's not interesting.
Hamburger With Spices
I feel so much better, like my head it feels warm and calm and stimulated, after having a hamburger with spices. I get these thin buns, in wheat or grain. They even sell them as Goldfish, but we were shopping somewhere else. I'll have to look for the Goldfish ones next time.
Food
I'm cooking 2 hot dogs. They have a lot of fat. Good thing I'm not eating more than 2. I have them with bread, usually wheat|grain buns. I don't eat white bread. I would, like at a restaurant.
Time to Watch "The Ellen DeGeneres Show"
It's awfully late. I wonder when I will watch another TV show. Well, I need sleep for today and tomorrow and some the next day.
People from the Northeast
I hear people there are both nice and cranky. You know, the cranky people from up north.
The North
For some reason, I feel I connect there. To me, there are bad things about the north, but I've treated the south like life's playground.
I suppose, it must be different for people with parents from there in the earlier 1900s. I feel as though I'm not really from there, in a way. I've been staying home and just seeing my parents, who are not from the south.
I always wanted to live up north because I thought it was more goody good. I dunno, though, it seems racist. Still, if you like traditional chilly winters and crystal clear flowing streams, that must be a nice place to be.
I suppose, it must be different for people with parents from there in the earlier 1900s. I feel as though I'm not really from there, in a way. I've been staying home and just seeing my parents, who are not from the south.
I always wanted to live up north because I thought it was more goody good. I dunno, though, it seems racist. Still, if you like traditional chilly winters and crystal clear flowing streams, that must be a nice place to be.
Issues
So, it's settled, then, I'm from the south and went up north for college a little and regularly visited my relatives from up north. I was feeling off because of celebrities I found and people I've known probably who moved somewhere else when they were young. I think it makes a difference if you are born somewhere aside from where your parents are from. I never had that feeling of growing up like my parents. It seems others are more ingrained in their parents's heritage. I think the 1st few years of life are pretty formidable. I had a different experience than I would have otherwise. I did move within the same area under the age of 5. It made a difference. I guess I can identify with others who also grew up mostly in a place other than their parents are from. Anyway, when you move somewhere it totally knocks you out. So, I'm considered fully from the south with ancestral heritage up north.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
I might go eat now.
If I feel up to it, I may jog, too. I might take a shower and check in by around 1 P.M. Not sure.
Sleep & Out This Weekend
So, I might sleep more, not sure when. I have to go somewhere tomorrow around 3 P.M. I am going to bed when I get home. I'll be gone all day Saturday. I might go to bed earlier. Sunday, it's my birthday, so I'll be celebrating but probably still on the computer a significant amount. We'll see.
I told my grandma I might not talk this weekend, but she may call me on my birthday. I know I wanted to celebrate Mother's Day for my mom so didn't call then since I don't have to. I probably will next year. I kinda wanted to call her on my birthday, but I'm not sure how I'll feel after a busy weekend. Not sure, but just in case, since the situation seems suspicious, I told her. She'll call me, anyway. :/
I told my grandma I might not talk this weekend, but she may call me on my birthday. I know I wanted to celebrate Mother's Day for my mom so didn't call then since I don't have to. I probably will next year. I kinda wanted to call her on my birthday, but I'm not sure how I'll feel after a busy weekend. Not sure, but just in case, since the situation seems suspicious, I told her. She'll call me, anyway. :/
Sleeping
I'll probably sleep through the afternoon and maybe evening or some of it.
So, this might be good night.
So, this might be good night.
Lesson Learned
Take time for yourself? and don't listen to other people. Even if you trust them. Even if it seems the rules are changed? Some things stay the same.
Bare Facts
Essentially, if you're the one who's been earnestly signaled to do things to do with the person signaling, other people are feeding off what happened to you for doing it and never were tested like that. How can anyone be that convincing? I wonder if that's why a lot of people have quit doing what they used to do that was like out of the box. I miss those days, 1997 and 1998.
Figuring out Misunderstandings
People act like it's a big deal if I have a common misunderstanding. They do it in a way that makes it seem like it's my fault, but, in the end, I figure it out.
Missing the Point
I guess people are totally missing the point. They think of what I did in the right way and act like it's worthless, even if it's unimportant.
Another Big Thing
It seems like another big thing to respect others, like find some way to look up to them if you find some of their intelligence appealing.
It does seem like a big thing...
...not to listen to what other people are trying to say, even if I trust them.
Naughty Naughty
So, the "n" word thing only matters if the kid who the parents wanted me to call the "n" word to get it out even though that's not why I did it but because I thought they thought we should start using the word about me ... only matters if the kid knows and the kid knows because the parents are acting weak? I deleted it and wish I didn't say it. The dad is from L.A., and the mom is from England but part French and other things from her mom. I kinda had a feeling they would do something like that, relay the message.
I am glad, though, my dad decided to tell me they thought I was literally "retarded" or something in kindergarten, but he told me when I was like 15 or possibly older. I guess he fit it in, somehow. I guess the parents of the kid I'm talking about really did want me to do it, though, though in a way I think the mother made the message more crystal clear just to be sure I didn't decide to. I mean, she must have known the father might have been the one who made it so that someone who I guessed was him because I'd found an account with his name and stuff would keep cursing at me about my race over and over like it was okay and then I felt this issue.
I am glad, though, my dad decided to tell me they thought I was literally "retarded" or something in kindergarten, but he told me when I was like 15 or possibly older. I guess he fit it in, somehow. I guess the parents of the kid I'm talking about really did want me to do it, though, though in a way I think the mother made the message more crystal clear just to be sure I didn't decide to. I mean, she must have known the father might have been the one who made it so that someone who I guessed was him because I'd found an account with his name and stuff would keep cursing at me about my race over and over like it was okay and then I felt this issue.
@TheEllenShow - Chris Matthews
I like his show a lot. I see he also has roots in Pennsylvania and is Irish. For some reason, I was told I was very Irish.
I really like when someone on the show said, "Will the real Mitt Romney please stand up?" That's like the song that goes, "Will the real Slim Shady please stand up, please stand up, please stand up?" It must be fun to keep up with that stuff so that you remember it at a time like that. 8o
I really like when someone on the show said, "Will the real Mitt Romney please stand up?" That's like the song that goes, "Will the real Slim Shady please stand up, please stand up, please stand up?" It must be fun to keep up with that stuff so that you remember it at a time like that. 8o
I guess he was on twice.
There was her showing him making her fall dancing the day after the 1st visit and the day before the 2nd. I know about him because my dad watches him like every day. I tried watching it, but I'm always doing something else.
TV
I'm going back and watching Chris Matthews on "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" online. He was on it more than once, maybe 3 times. She posted about him on Twitter. It doesn't look like he was on, recently.
@TheEllenShow @SteveCarell - Good at Charades
Aw-hah. He's better than me. I don't think I'd be very good at that game, though I've played before. I don't remember what I did. D8 I couldn't even understand the thing you're supposed to make the gestures with!
@TheEllenShow - Make Your Day
E-mail this person: http://www.365daysofcoaching.com/resource_articles/celebration-declareday.htm Just click on the link at the bottom and then find her e-mail at the bottom of the next page.
National Sea Monkey Day D8! I got put in the mental hospital when I was about to buy some. So, I didn't get any.
You should make your day your birthday! I wonder how you are gonna go about picking what day to have.
National Sea Monkey Day D8! I got put in the mental hospital when I was about to buy some. So, I didn't get any.
You should make your day your birthday! I wonder how you are gonna go about picking what day to have.
TV
I guess my brother's watching about Steve Jobs and before robots. LOL, a robot in jail said, "I did not murder him!" to an African-American guy.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
I guess I'm gonna iron, 1st.
So, then, I'll watch TV and then be back and then take a shower. I'll be back again and do stuff, like post on IMDb and probably sing and record me talking some, a little in the bathroom where it's easy to see me instead of in my room or for a long time.
Tonight
After I watch "The Ellen DeGeneres Show," I think I'm gonna make a hamburger, too. I was thinking of something else but forget. I have ironing to do. I may stay up and post on IMDb. So, I guess I'll iron if my brother doesn't want to use the living area. In that case, I may be back to do Twitter around 12:45 or 1:00. I can have the hamburger later.
Hey, I have the living room!
Time to watch "The Ellen DeGeneres Show." I'm also gonna eat at least the 2 hot dogs. So, I might be back in up to 1 1|2 hours but may take a shower and be back even later, will probably post if I do.
Hot Dogs
This is a step up. As long as I eat healthy stuff. I know hot dogs are not completely unhealthy. I mean, people have them with dumplings and sauerkraut. I use wheat|grain buns, though we've run out and I'm using sliced bread. =D
Calling My Grandma
Maybe, she wants to wait until I'm on a regular non-busy schedule to wait if I tell her I may not call every day.
Certain Situations Tax My Energy or "Tax My Nerves"
It was a hard week when I had the doctor appointments. I should have gotten myself more sleep. I should have known I'd be tired. I know I will sleep for something this week, though. I wonder how I will deal with sleeping for these appointments when I feel like just resting doing stuff on the computer and then waking up and going to sleep when it's done.
I guess people aren't supposed to help me.
It's not really too late, but it didn't come to me to call. We had such a good conversation last time I don't want to ruin it.
I had just been thinking
I was grateful I felt like I looked better after talking to my grandma. I felt okay at the eye place today. I felt awkward on the phone earlier today, though. I was doing a like business call. I can't imagine people doing jobs like that. It's funny they call to ask these kinds of questions. I was just authorizing them to talk to my mom, though, I guess because she has a lot to do and wants to get it done rather than train me to know what she may know and I may have to ask her.
So, after I felt grateful about my grandma talking to me partly because I looked better, I lost a certain look. I looked more like my father then, too, but it was also that I didn't look as detailed, after.
So, after I felt grateful about my grandma talking to me partly because I looked better, I lost a certain look. I looked more like my father then, too, but it was also that I didn't look as detailed, after.
I guess I just am hungry.
I had a hard day yesterday, and my grandma apparently likes to talk to me when I've eaten and if I feel right enough. She doesn't get mad if I don't call. She gets what's going on. I think she hopes I keep calling and don't have to tell her if I might not call.
Problem
That time I was up for 1 1|2 days and didn't eat most of that time, I called my grandma. She was a little harsh about me not eating and asked if I'd ever do it again. I said I didn't know but that I didn't like it. For some reason, either from being awake too long or from talking to her, I looked different. I know I lose my look if I get mad and that I look fatter if I don't jog for a day or so. I know my nose felt different when I talked to her. I kinda picture her affecting me and shocking me not to look like before. I had recently started using contact lenses, and, for the 1st time, I looked so clear and detailed seeing my face without glasses.
Here's before, where I was just beginning to develop my look, which for some reason had been preserved, in ways from when I was 11 before leaving Florida:
Picture Video
Here's after:
Video Picture the Night Of Picture 2 Picture 3 Picture 4 Picture 5
The last 3 pictures look okay because I decided to start jogging again, too. I mean, it seems like I just ricocheted, as always happens, with something to make up for what happened. I'm also thinking I got my new look from my grandma talking to me, which is good. Still, what kept coming up in my mind was that I lost my look for some reason but got a new one. It's strange and makes me think my grandma did it because if it were just me I probably wouldn't be worried. The night of, I think I still looked the same.
Here's before, where I was just beginning to develop my look, which for some reason had been preserved, in ways from when I was 11 before leaving Florida:
Picture Video
Here's after:
Video Picture the Night Of Picture 2 Picture 3 Picture 4 Picture 5
The last 3 pictures look okay because I decided to start jogging again, too. I mean, it seems like I just ricocheted, as always happens, with something to make up for what happened. I'm also thinking I got my new look from my grandma talking to me, which is good. Still, what kept coming up in my mind was that I lost my look for some reason but got a new one. It's strange and makes me think my grandma did it because if it were just me I probably wouldn't be worried. The night of, I think I still looked the same.
I really get the hint that...
...my grandma kinda doesn't want me to call if I'm not ready...
Well, I dunno.
Well, I dunno.
Setting a Bad Example
Some people only get certain things it seems about me. I'm worried that people are thinking curse words are funny because they'd come to pop in my head though seem to be going away.
I just need to get it together.
I have to be the right way around my family. It was a little hard, lately, and now my little brother is home from college. He might be doing some things, though. Now, I'm hungry for chocolate. I guess tonight I'll make a milkshake with vanilla ice cream and chocolate powder.
Last time
my brain felt empty from staying up so long singing and watching the videos of me singing and not eating. I was timid because my little brother was around and seems to like time to himself and with our parents. I did eat supper, today, and feel good. I probably will, unless I somehow get on a different schedule, sometimes.
When I called my grandma last...
...she seemed okay with if I didn't call. She really wants me to call when I feel good because I guess we're prone to disagree.
Eye Doctor
I feel funny about when I went in and thought of those curse words. I think I can deal with it, though.
TV
I wanna catch up on some TV. I can do it while my brother is in the living room because he's usually on his computer, too. He's been in his room this evening with the light on.
I'm debating calling my grandma.
I kinda wanna jog and kinda don't feel like it. I know I shouldn't call if I don't feel up for talking, so I might not. I just don't want anything to go wrong. There are times I called I know I shouldn't have now.
Time
I guess it will just take me time to lose weight. I too long didn't eat healthy. I jog and do sit-ups and push-ups but don't actually feel like it right now. I am skinnier today from I guess the resting which must have processed my metabolism. My double chin doesn't feel quite as bad, neither. I don't know how fat I am, but I know I look funny.
Dieting
Awhile ago, I started dieting and even stopped taking my psychiatric medicine as much since I thought it made me hungry to eat at all. I started eating again but more normally and things are going well. I had been eating more unhealthily in the more recent past. I lost my weight through dieting rather than changing my diet, like by just not eating as much for awhile. I hope I regain stamina, or start to gain it for once in my more recent life.
Trapped
I've lost a lot of desire in doing things. I need to get my life together. Partly, I'm letting my brother be in the house without me around, I think. I'm okay with that. I still have the freedom to ask my dad to take me places. I'm just glad I'm home now. I used to not wear makeup and nail polish, so I guess I'm a little tired from starting things like that. I also was doing chores more for awhile, somehow. Well, I know, though, there was just 1 day when I prepared all 3 meals.
Goals
I can't wait until I finish my ironing. I need to start being awake during the day. I mean, it's fun being up late, too. I need enough sleep. Who doesn't?
Staying out of Trouble on the Internet
If I got online sooner, I would be less likely to get into trouble. The internet is so confusing, the way people post. Like, there's I know IMDb as the big message board, but I've been other places.
Attitude History
I wish that some things just didn't happen. At least, I know now what not to do. I should have known before, though.
Giving up Stuff
So, we get a night at home instead of hot fudge. ... and an alarm clock for me. ... and if we need anything else.
I've lost stamina in ...
... wanting to change the distant past.
I somehow settle with things in the more recent past. I'm just glad when things do get settled in one way or another. I wish some things didn't happen, but I'm pretty happy.
I somehow settle with things in the more recent past. I'm just glad when things do get settled in one way or another. I wish some things didn't happen, but I'm pretty happy.
Tired
I don't really feel like doing anything. It's probably because I woke up recently. I can imagine just getting to work. I have a feeling, too, maybe, my dad wants to rest, today. I'm hoping he'll take me shopping sometime, which I'm sure he will. Usually, I'd watch a movie, now, but I don't really curl up, much, anymore. Don't be surprised if I fall asleep.
Something Obvious
So, should I not deserve anything, finally, since the "n" word thing? (I thought someone wanted me to call them the "n" word.) It seems settled no one really wants me to have peace, but there's nothing they can do about it.
Here Lies
Christina
Rest in Fury
Here Lies
Christina
Rest in Fury
Sluggish
I should start recording 2 other TV shows I might be missing, too. 1 doesn't show every day. I feel like having a little fun and then going to bed. When I talk to my grandma, we talk for about 45 minutes. I need to call her sometime. I'm telling her I might not call every day, I think. It's okay with her, it seems. I mean, I feel like doing a little on the internet and then maybe going to bed, again.
Ghosts
I feel an eminent sense of danger lurking in the shadows.
A few days or a week ago, I saw a big black mass of a ghost, and this time, though it took awhile to settle in my senses, I really saw the black inky mass. I was about to go into my room, which is the garage. I got to the laundry room and saw it at my door. It had like maybe little triangles sticking out as hands as it like escorted me to the garage. I was about to watch Ellen DeGeneres, sometime.
A few days or a week ago, I saw a big black mass of a ghost, and this time, though it took awhile to settle in my senses, I really saw the black inky mass. I was about to go into my room, which is the garage. I got to the laundry room and saw it at my door. It had like maybe little triangles sticking out as hands as it like escorted me to the garage. I was about to watch Ellen DeGeneres, sometime.
20 Hours of Sleep
I just ate supper and am gonna do the dishes soon. I want to ask my dad to go to the grocery store and to get an alarm clock with me, but I feel like sleeping or something. I might wait to be alone to watch TV, which would be sometime int the A.M. hours tomorrow.
I know these people...
...are still using the "n" word thing as an excuse for all their past problems.
Mistakes
Do you know anyone who morally lies and can't help giving away things that are not supposed to be repeated? I thought people were supposed to be strong.
14 Hours of Sleep
Woah
I've never slept straight that much. I felt like I was going to die on nothing but my psychiatric medicine.
I dreamt I was really thirsty and drinking like 3 cups of wine, which I've never had, so I switched to water with ice so I wouldn't get drunk. I noticed I wasn't feeling drunk, at all, what I thought being drunk would be. I just felt quenched.
I've never slept straight that much. I felt like I was going to die on nothing but my psychiatric medicine.
I dreamt I was really thirsty and drinking like 3 cups of wine, which I've never had, so I switched to water with ice so I wouldn't get drunk. I noticed I wasn't feeling drunk, at all, what I thought being drunk would be. I just felt quenched.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
People have really been lashing out.
Some ways of treating people don't make sense, even at the gallows.
I did not know that!
So, torture doesn't exist, yet, killing you from too much pain does. I did not know that!
Jealousy and Sorry
People should not admit to jealousy.
I have a somewhat large fuzzy inkling of joy in others's sorrow.
I have a somewhat large fuzzy inkling of joy in others's sorrow.
Ah, yes.
I've been through that kind of thing. Live anyway and prosper. See if you could ever make your own family. Hm.
My Own Kind
I've had ideas to begin with, myself, I guess. I mean, my parents may have helped me into them.
If Something's Gonna Happen, Anyway
If something's gonna happen anyway, why get worked up about it happening a little earlier?
Endless Pleasure (a song I was thinking of)
So, people think as long as you show you know what you're doing that it's okay to do because it will prevent other people from doing it 1st the wrong way, as though that would be the problem.
Tricks
I don't really like people who are nice to you first, thinking you deserve something, then are bad as though you deserve nothing.
The Opportunities
So, supposedly you are bad to begin with. However, that's denied. So, why then be denied the opportunity to shine?
A Chance in Life
If you were bad to begin with, why get a chance?
Why not get the opportunity to use your developed talents?
Why not get the opportunity to use your developed talents?
Hmm.
I guess I should have spread the wealth? In a way, I don't need to. Heaven takes care of itself.
I'm goin' back to the start.
Well, so, I think. I think, if something isn't bad to begin with that it shouldn't be punished. People have to follow what's obvious if they want a glimpse of Heaven!
Starting Over, Again
It seems the one problem is following traditional logic that if you do something bad it's bad and punishable or reprimandable rather than following that if you do a certain thing means a certain thing rather than crashing the whole system.
Packing My Bags
I should pack my bags and leave, but I'm too old for college! I'd rather be a movie star! We need more movies!
Live and Let Live
People are so adamant that I would actually do something and look into suggestions.
Sarcastic
How are my parents perfect if they are sarcastic? My brother always seems to copy me, too.
Wanting to Hurt Myself
I didn't mess up. There's a reason for everything.
If you want to get into it, I messed up in feeling like I want to hurt myself.
If you want to get into it, I messed up in feeling like I want to hurt myself.
Let the Baby Explore
I don't like how my parents set me up to mess up to test me. I think they just wanted to see if I could avoid being stimulated. I don't think they're that silly.
The "N" Word
For some reason, it's affected my life how much I think the "n" word pops up in other people with me because both from disdain and jealousy.
Other People Wanting Comfort
I guess they're ahead in the game. I mean, why would they need comfort?
Wrong
Some people are just bad, and people accept that. They actually deal with what their reputation is.
Being From Certain Places
It's not funny how successful people turn out in typical areas because there aren't many.
Pretending Things
If everyone believes you did something, how can suffering be caused by you? I'm pretty cool, but that seems to be the kind of thing that is happening. I don't pretend things to start with.
My Life
For some reason, I feel set to talk about my life on my blog, though, but I feel also like lying down and sleeping, for some reason.
Hey, a siren. It's probably, I think, a firetruck. A lot of them. I mean it's not like we get them all the time, but I think at one point it seemed there was a lot, now that I think of it. ?:
Hey, a siren. It's probably, I think, a firetruck. A lot of them. I mean it's not like we get them all the time, but I think at one point it seemed there was a lot, now that I think of it. ?:
Maimed
I feel maimed. I lost sleep. I was also out walking in the sun, without my sunblock, getting my clothes all wet, in long sleeves because I don't have many clothes. I feel like I want to live, but I can't.
Simply Upset
I thought contacts were changed every week, the doctor said last time. I've been in there, 3 times, 1 for when I thought a contact was stuck in my eye though it feel and I made my eye all red. Now, I find it's every month. The doctor upset me the 1st time I went in this time, and I thought of some curse words. It's okay, I think with another person who was there this time, but it seems to automatically pop up to her benefit. It seems collectively something always has to go wrong. They seem to enjoy what they do. They should be interviewed or something.
Something Always Turns out Right
I notice every time something goes wrong something goes right. That keeps me hanging in, literally. Every time! I guess other times you're laying low trying to stay out of trouble too much that you can never live because you don't know how.
Back
I might go to bed soon. I'm having fun on the internet but don't feel like jogging, singing, etc. I'll be around, watching stuff and probably posting on IMDb before I fall asleep.
Inkling of Pleasure
Did you ever find people do things with just an inkling of pleasure in condemning other people, perhaps connected to their own wrongdoings?
I'm going to sleep soon.
See you - oh - I'll be here - 2:00 P.M. but watching TV until I go at 3:30 P.M.
When I'm Out
Today: 3:30 - around midnight
Friday: maybe 3 - the rest of the night
Saturday: all day
Friday: maybe 3 - the rest of the night
Saturday: all day
So, no, I didn't want to use it.
I had a lot of things going in my mind, of course, but it was the perfect place to discover you don't want to use it. It was really because I thought it was a natural mandate, why I thought they wanted me to do it really.
I've come to the conclusion that...
...the "n" word thing was in case I messed up and I just should have kept it as a token of flexibility, but it became literal. I think, though, if I got more rest sooner that I wouldn't have wanted to do it. I didn't really want to do it, but I suppose in general people do feel a feeling that they would like to use that word.
Ugh
I used to cancel all appointments, like the dentist, but I'm going back to the eye doctor for the 3rd time and now see the doctor 2 - 4 times per year to discuss the results of the blood tests I take for high cholesterol and vitamin D and am juggling a brain tumor that's so small that we might just leave it in there, from psychiatric medicine I don't need to take.
My "Thing"
So, my thing is to, originally, not feel anything, but if someone questions something attractive about me I change it automatically.
Made-Up Guidelines
What does that say? Pretty much, even if I'm criticizing myself, I can't make a point.
It's not a good thing.
It's not something to enjoy that I thought someone wanted me to use the "n" word. :'(
Children Figuring Things Out
Some people really want their children to figure out out and some not tell them if they're wrong so they can get an opportunity to see what it is to be punished.
Watching "The Ellen DeGeneres Show"
I'm eating some leftover ice cream and am gonna take some pictures and sing. I will probably post on IMDb more, too.
Facts
Supposedly, nothing is as bad as calling someone the "n" word. Ruining their life is. If someone did it to me for fun because they thought I wanted them to wouldn't really upset me but make me concerned.
Me Being Bad
So, I remember I noticed I shouldn't be happy for some certain reason, like I'm not really let off, thinking a couple wanted me to call their 1-year-old daughter the "n" word for fun. Still, if you think about it, it's them telling me to do something for fun. What if they didn't, though? It seems like they didn't know what they were doing because things didn't unfurl right.
Wanted to Be a Boy
I wonder how many people can tell I wanted to be a boy. I mean, boys look pretty in a nice way.
@TheEllenShow - 1, 2, 3
The 1st time I was really healthy was when I was in the New Orleans area and I did junior varsity softball my 1st year in addition to ballet once a week. All when I lived there, I was 105 or 100 - 110 pounds at just a little over 5'. I was tall for my age the year before moving. I got healthy again when I was 16 and started dieting, but then I had to start eating a lot of healthy food. I was even put in the mental hospital. I had been called to the counselor for looking stressed, usually having perfect grades, and taken by my aunt to the mental hospital. When I came home from college, somehow, I got very thin, again. After that, my life spiraled downhill.
I think my brother felt pushed...
...to be critical of me, I guess. :| He's softer now but on edge. Still, there exists a real tension, but it's not totally funny to me!
Monday, May 14, 2012
Exemplifying Extreme Feminism...
...I guess some people are on top with dainty features! *crawls around and flaps wings, like a bird :| *
She does seem to care about my privacy.
I don't know what she's doing about that. My mom peeped in here like 5 times while I was on the phone and once before. I didn't walk the dog with my mom and brother. It seems to be operation more time of my brother with my parents because he's younger and feels his childhood was different, though he doesn't say anything. Ever since we moved to Orlando, my mom and brother had been irritating me. My mom stopped. My dad just seemed racist. It's such a change. I guess it was gradual. My brother was something of a goody-good. He messed me up when he got a dog. He told my mom, my mom told me, he got it because I didn't play with him anymore and he was sad.
My grandma called me back.
I decided not to tell her about not calling her. I guess I can call her. I'm allowed to call her earlier, but now I'm watching "America's Got Talent." So what? I'd be doing something else, anyway. :| She seemed to appreciate calling me. She was like extra friendly and I was doing better. I think she doesn't want me to get into when I don't call her, too.
Presenting Complex Things on the Computer
I guess, when all is said and done, we can come to the computer.
It's depressing that people get mad because they didn't take action to start a blog.
It seems, though, that some people are shying away from the internet more. They don't seem to be living fulfilling lives in lieu.
What I meant by saying all is said and done is that we deal with stuff harshly and then present it cleanly at the computer. We take our time, but eventually we have something to show for. I just think that that hasn't happened. I think people aren't ready.
It's depressing that people get mad because they didn't take action to start a blog.
It seems, though, that some people are shying away from the internet more. They don't seem to be living fulfilling lives in lieu.
What I meant by saying all is said and done is that we deal with stuff harshly and then present it cleanly at the computer. We take our time, but eventually we have something to show for. I just think that that hasn't happened. I think people aren't ready.
My Grandma and the Computer
She doesn't want to do the computer, for some reason. I really never call anyone, but I talk to my aunt on e-mail.
To Punish Me?
Well, she usually is very nice, but after awhile she got more critical and it really hurt me. It hurt me that we kinda argued. She got mad because I said I don't know if I'm gonna never go without eating a whole day. I yelled at her when she was speaking like I could barely hear in a funny way on purpose and hung up. She called back. I dunno, it's just honestly been hurting me a lot. So, that's why I don't know. Why call her, then? I know she's earnest, but it's like she knows I'm not ready. I knew that. I just felt pressured by other people to call her every day anyway, though she clearly understands some days I might skip. I even asked her what if it's too late. She said we just won't do it then.
I really like talking to my grandma.
She was the one who told me to call every day. I just am mostly concerned about if she wants to talk to me. Because I get tired and shy, I might have to still tell her I probably won't or might not call as often, maybe once a week at best to be sure. For some reason, I seem not to have time to do what I want. I don't know why. That's a sensitive issue for me. I just feel I'm settling my life, though I know my grandma is important to talk to. Like, I want to learn to write more online. I just like being online so much. I like time to jog, eat, and do the chores. In the end, I don't have much time if I follow suit in all those things because they entailed energy to prepare sometimes 3 meals a day for more than myself. Now, I have to fit in things with my brother getting more time in the main area of the house with my parents. That may be why. I mean, I can work it out. I dunno. We'll see. It's how my grandma feels. She won't tell me to stop calling. I'm also thinking she wants to call in the day. I'm not sure what her motives are. She seems through punishing me. She seems to wonder about how good I am these days. I guess I seem good now. :|
Another Change for the Better
I stopped wearing my soundproof earmuffs. I still like the fan on, and it seems to muffle outside noise. I can hear the cars, though, without my earmuffs. I don't know if I'll start wearing them again, but probably not. I'll just have to deal with what happens. It's okay, just kinda awkward. I wonder if some people wear them that tight as a job. They're like tight on my head, for things like mowing the lawn.
I guess I should ...
... do my sit-ups and push-ups, take a shower and bath, and call my grandma. Tomorrow, I'm going somewhere from 3:30 until not sure when but probably home by 5. I'm not sure if I'm eating supper tomorrow on time, but it seems like I will. I'm gone Friday from not sure when until not sure when but maybe like sometime in the afternoon until 10 or 11. Then, I'll be gone all Saturday, as well, so I'll be going to sleep when I get back Friday.
I guess I'm gonna take a shower ...
... and, then, call my grandma. She's probably watching "America's Got Talent." Hey, maybe I should watch that.
I'm getting up and going for a jog.
I guess I didn't go back to sleep.
Then, I'm calling my grandma.
Then, I'm taking a shower and a bath.
Bye!
Then, I'm calling my grandma.
Then, I'm taking a shower and a bath.
Bye!
We all want the same thing.
African-Americans think life is about being physical and appreciating dark features.
Being Too Skinny
People think some things are something you're going to do. Firstly, people in Florida are skinny. Secondly, they try to get even skinnier when they are famous.
Where You've Lived?
Do you ever feel people live copying you, like saying they follow what things were like where you're from? Johnny Depp isn't from Florida originally, and right now I am thinking of that age when I was still in a certain area of southeastern Florida.
Being Tacky
I thought being from more than 1 place made you less tacky. I don't feel I have less command as a person.
Certain Places
It seems all the places traditionally considered to be good aren't so good.
Hey, is it all about how you eat?
Hey, is it all about how you eat?
Orlando
I guess I was just unwinding from the New Orleans area upon living in Orlando. Orlando should be cool since it has Disney World and everyone visits. You get a certain empty feeling, though. I used to enjoy it more before the "n" word thing.
The Orlando Area
I live in an area that is considered wild. For some reason, it's a part of the Orlando area.
Not Caring
What is there in it in the advice that you shouldn't care about stuff, like if you're not perfect but in a way you can't change?
Eating Cheap
Part of it is a learned habit. I know my parents ate well. I don't know why they decided to "diet."
My dad had loads of beef, potatos, you know. My mom had tasty cheap food out of the U.S.
My dad had loads of beef, potatos, you know. My mom had tasty cheap food out of the U.S.
Not Nice
It doesn't really feel nice to know that people just want you to suffer and never solve what you did wrong.
Weird People
They will discover they haven't lived. They are so worked up over something and don't have the capability to think of anything other than superiority in thinking. I wish they didn't prize the glitches in life.
@TheEllenShow - Interesting Yet Shocking
You know, that's reeally funny because I was just talking about food and she went to school where I was born. Talk about being used. Who wants to dedicate their life in that particular way to food??? It seems we've had food troubles in Florida. I don't feel I can be healthy here like I was in the New Orleans suburb. I don't know. I mean, what is there to eat? I can understand if I ate out.
You know, I find it interesting she looks somewhat on target for her age, whereas most people look younger. I know I still look like I'm in high school. Maybe college. Actually, to me, too, she looks strangely old. I can imagine what her life was like in southeastern Florida. I personally don't like NYC. I've never been there. I did feel cool when I was changing planes there but stayed in the plane. I was alone and was 13.
I'm wondering if, like me, she started out eating cheap and then was able to experiment more and make better decisions. When you're focused on eating right, it really works. Having no white bread really boosts my esteem, I think. I mean, I'm not one to like give up bread. I haven't had it much lately. We have rice. It's okay, it's food.
I remember I hated eating corn. That was a staple of my diet when I was very little. It's funny how I've changed under my mom's tutelege.
Okay, something else obvious about Florida is that we seem to get a lot in way of self-esteem. It's like we've lived life when we haven't. It's strange when we realize the mistakes we make. In the New Orleans area, we always were able to live life figuring things out. My parents don't seem to be able to sort things being from the northeast and out of the U.S.
I guess, too, some people see themselves as perfect in certain light and are afraid in general to think outside of the box. They tend to go all the way, all the way for something. I'm thinking you've lived if you're not from Florida. About L.A., I'd rather not be there, neither. It's become to me, I think, like NYC. NYC is a place where like dark people and book writers live. That's okay, but I thought NYC was the place for families. I used to dream of living there, as a kid. I knew it'd be more physical than Florida. There is a very different feeling in certain areas of the country when you go there the 1st time and probably each succeeding time. (I'm not sure if I've heard the word "succeeding" used like this. Wait, I guess I would have because I think so now.)
Actually, I felt I wanted to be a writer and illustrator of my own books when I was 10.
I notice the little blonde at the bottom of the page. I thought that people prized their kids not only having white hair but white skin. Well, that's not what's important, but people still live in that fantasy. :(
I'm looking at all she's done and am glad I'm not from there. I guess I should consider myself from the New Orleans area. Where would I be today, otherwise? I think I was better off there. I still learned a lot in Florida, had a good base in a way. I didn't like leaving Fort Lauderdale, but it was interesting in other minor areas of the state. Well, they were major areas, too, but not like Fort Lauderdale. Supposedly, Fort Lauderdale is the epitome of Florida. I don't know how I know that. It's perhaps by watching people when I was young. Living in Fort Lauderdale suburbs is worth it. For instance, the boy at the beginning of Pirates of the Caribbean 3 is from the city Fort Lauderdale and so is the girl who played Belle from Beauty and the Beast. Johnny Depp is originally from Kentucky and some other places but mostly grew up in a Fort Lauderdale - Miami suburb. I don't know if he is like he is because he's not from there as a younger child or if it really is, like me, because of being from a suburb instead of a thinly-lived city.
I guess there are different ways of looking at the different places you are from, depending on where they are.
I seem to be at a loss being from the south. I seem to be following the beat of a different drum. I always was good but not aknowledged as such. I know I am grateful to my mom. I like my dad, too. I am different from them both, though. I eat very differently. I'm glad I was made into a different person. I always wished they were different, but, like, my mom I don't see how she could have been any different. I am different from a lot of people. It's interseting where I get my strength. Sometimes, I eat cheap, like now me shying away depressed while my little brother is home from college. I think my brother is still having superiority issues that are obvious like I had as a very young child. I'm glad I can make myself out to be attractive, with the assistance of the criticism of the world and both my parents.
I did learn from my experience ...
... of feeling upset with my grandma. Something good does always come out of the bad for me because I didn't mean to be bad and I guess because that just means something is wrong.
I seem to have cooled down since this morning in anger.
Well, not really anger full out. I'm just excited about how my life is changing. I just want to be on top of things as they should be. I'm kinda hiding out. It's hard to comprehend my situation. I feel trapped. It's just different with my brother around and anticipating calling my grandma back. I like my brother around. I think he thinks I'm weird, in a way. He likes quiet time alone with my parents out in the living area. I wonder why I feel funnier to eat supper. I guess I should have been eating leftovers to begin with.
I used to be so on top of my world.
I had the world at my feet. Literally! Now look! Things are okay, but I know I'm not really having a good time.
Things weren't right with ME.
... Now, I forget.
Like, there was something wrong with my talking to my grandma every night? At one point, she said something and things changed. I know that happened with my dad and I, too, when I was on edge. The same pattern keeps repeating itself in history.
Like, there was something wrong with my talking to my grandma every night? At one point, she said something and things changed. I know that happened with my dad and I, too, when I was on edge. The same pattern keeps repeating itself in history.
Discipline
It seems my parents expect more or got more. I have a feeling my brother copied me. Without me, maybe he would have been more of an experiment like me. He wouldn't have liked that at his station. :|
It seems some parents don't care about behavior but get mad a lot.
I'm wondering about ones that are comforting when you do something wrong like the world is made of logic. It just tells me that things weren't right in the 1st place. I was really let alone in college and came home trying to solve my lifestyle problems, like how I felt and posting on the computer.
It seems some parents don't care about behavior but get mad a lot.
I'm wondering about ones that are comforting when you do something wrong like the world is made of logic. It just tells me that things weren't right in the 1st place. I was really let alone in college and came home trying to solve my lifestyle problems, like how I felt and posting on the computer.
Okay
I think my family is okay with my depressing living habits. I'm in a transition. I guess I did a lot of good deeds in calling my grandma. We had fun. After awhile, it seemed just to be checking on each other.
Bagels
I had them with butter, cream cheese, or peanut butter. Now, I like PB&J toast. I have a feeling that's what I had for lunch when I was younger.
Eating Growing Up
In a way the Pop-Tarts worked. My mom was wary to get me those, but I so craved them that she gave them to me. I don't remember what I had for breakfast before that. I know in college at some points, I bought their huge breakfast but got tired of it, at least one of the times. It seemed fattening and didn't include pancakes, at least not at one college, though I dunno maybe you had to go somewhere else.
For lunch, my mom gave me a lot of meat of cold cuts at one point. It's hard to remember what I had before I was 10. I do remember being 2, though, and feel I have memories of earlier pictures.
My mom always cooked good suppers.
For breakfast, I had bagels when I was 12, when we moved to the New Orleans area. The funny thing is when I toured college I died when they said you might only have a bagel for breakfast.
For lunch, my mom gave me a lot of meat of cold cuts at one point. It's hard to remember what I had before I was 10. I do remember being 2, though, and feel I have memories of earlier pictures.
My mom always cooked good suppers.
For breakfast, I had bagels when I was 12, when we moved to the New Orleans area. The funny thing is when I toured college I died when they said you might only have a bagel for breakfast.
Being Overweight
I guess most people aren't gonna be all that skinny, so they become a full figure. It's probably better than being too skinny, depending on how much.
My Hair
My hair has been a recurring issue. I cut my bangs in early-mid 2010. I dyed and shaved it twice since. I'm finally letting it grow out. Right now, it's like a bob, but I cut my bangs. I'm growing them out.
My Real Problem
I guess I'm still full over of pizza. I was so hungry after that stale diet. For about 4 years, though, I think I've eaten pizza and hamburgers. This is no easy task to fill. I seem to be getting better, quickly. I think it gave me high cholesterol. I think the solely pizza thing was 2 years. I am nostalgic for 3 years ago.
Comments on "The Ellen DeGeneres Page" of Faecbook
"It's Classic Joke Monday! How do you make a taco stand? Steal its chair."
Huh? I didn't get that one.
"This is so cute it's stupid."
That baby is not quite all there.
Cheryl Porco-Moyer "@Christina Barrett: you are not all there!! LOH"
@Cheryl Porco-Moyer AHAHA
Huh? I didn't get that one.
"This is so cute it's stupid."
That baby is not quite all there.
Cheryl Porco-Moyer "@Christina Barrett: you are not all there!! LOH"
@Cheryl Porco-Moyer AHAHA
Depressed and Shy
:| Hm. Well.
So, I guess some people don't like certain kinds of conversation, like when you get too critical.
I just feel worse and worse. I think it's because I got upset at my grandma that one day I didn't sleep much. I shouldn't have called then. I think I will tonight. I wanna go back to sleep but don't know how much I will.
I wonder when I will feel better. I think I will after I actually tell my grandma I decided I don't feel like calling her every day because I think she wants a break. I'm not sure if I'll tell her that she's the one who wants a break. She'll know, though.
I'm gonna lie down. Sometimes, I think of something to blog about.
I guess I'm sad. I'm kinda clearing the way from my parents while my little brother is home from college. I'm always in trouble now because of that "n" word thing. It's just too much. I can't let anything go wrong. I know my family is uncomfortable. I have to go through all the hoops. I hope getting more sleep will help.
So, I guess some people don't like certain kinds of conversation, like when you get too critical.
I just feel worse and worse. I think it's because I got upset at my grandma that one day I didn't sleep much. I shouldn't have called then. I think I will tonight. I wanna go back to sleep but don't know how much I will.
I wonder when I will feel better. I think I will after I actually tell my grandma I decided I don't feel like calling her every day because I think she wants a break. I'm not sure if I'll tell her that she's the one who wants a break. She'll know, though.
I'm gonna lie down. Sometimes, I think of something to blog about.
I guess I'm sad. I'm kinda clearing the way from my parents while my little brother is home from college. I'm always in trouble now because of that "n" word thing. It's just too much. I can't let anything go wrong. I know my family is uncomfortable. I have to go through all the hoops. I hope getting more sleep will help.
I decided to wake up and watch "The Ellen DeGeneres Show."
I think I'll go back to sleep after I watch it.
I wish I would call now.
I'm way to sleepy for her. That's how I got in trouble last time. I didn't eat. I just want to stay in my bedroom. I'm hungry. Oh yea. I can go to sleep.
Shyness
I'm not one to talk on the phone forever. I feel kinda crazy. I really think she wants me to stop calling. I just hope I'm awake to tell her I might not call as much.
My Grandma
I'm too sleeepy to call her. She really doesn't care. She assumes something's happening if I don't call and goes about her business. I really am not welll.
I'm just clarifying how she functions.
I feel like I should have a part-time job. I don't feel well. Too bad about the "n" word thing. I might be okay, otherwise. I mean, I'm feeling good other than that. I know I am at a brink of catching up on sleep, though. I was settling how to function online, got all confused, you might say.
I'm just clarifying how she functions.
I feel like I should have a part-time job. I don't feel well. Too bad about the "n" word thing. I might be okay, otherwise. I mean, I'm feeling good other than that. I know I am at a brink of catching up on sleep, though. I was settling how to function online, got all confused, you might say.
Setting My Alarm
I guess I'll set it to see "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" and to call my grandma.
If my grandma liked talking to me, I'd still talk to her. Maybe, I can, someday. I don't know what's wrong. I guess she needs a break and we can start up again later. I dunno. Maybe, I called her too late too many times, though technically she thought it was okay. I know she likes talking to me, but I think she needs her time alone. Maybe, she'd like me to call earlier. I dunno. It's not because of me, I swear it!
If my grandma liked talking to me, I'd still talk to her. Maybe, I can, someday. I don't know what's wrong. I guess she needs a break and we can start up again later. I dunno. Maybe, I called her too late too many times, though technically she thought it was okay. I know she likes talking to me, but I think she needs her time alone. Maybe, she'd like me to call earlier. I dunno. It's not because of me, I swear it!
Wow, there's a lot of blonde Africans.
I wonder why they're not ready to be famous. I guess they have more to live for. Funny how I don't. Blonde hair isn't everything. :o
Into This
Okay, I'm really getting into this African woman.
http://ellen.warnerbros.com/2012/05/lisa_jarmon_sees_her_new_home_0514.php
Ellen may think she is, but there's something she just doesn't understand! :o
http://ellen.warnerbros.com/2012/05/lisa_jarmon_sees_her_new_home_0514.php
Ellen may think she is, but there's something she just doesn't understand! :o
So, now I feel bad I haven't called her when she expected I might.
I didn't get to tell her yet I might not because I was too hurt to.
I think she wants me to give it a rest without telling me.
So, I have to tell her next time.
She's very harsh with me. I'm worried she has problems, but I've always been nice to her.
She's very harsh with me. I'm worried she has problems, but I've always been nice to her.
Tired
I'm feeling guilty about not calling my grandma without telling her. I was tired on Saturday, like half asleep. On Mother's Day, I didn't call because I was "celebrating Mother's Day" for my mom, but I will probably call her next year. Friday, she said I might be busy. I was gonna call her this morning, but I need to go to bed. I saw Ellen was up on her site, so I watched the videos that were up. I might watch them more. I guess I'm half asleep again. My grandma understands if I don't call. I feel bad. I think she can tell I thought the couple wanted me to call their 1-year-old daughter the "n" word on the internet as an ice breaker. I mean, I can have fun. It's just not the same as before. It seems like she wants to stop. For awhile, I wasn't talking at all for years almost. Maybe, I should go back to calling once a week like I did growing up. If my schedule gets stronger, I can talk to her on the phone some more. It's fun, but it's just that there's stress because of the "n" word thing.
I'm bored of my music videos.
I don't feel like posting anything anywhere. I'm not exercising because I'm going to bed soon. It's just funny I'm over most of my videos...
Not getting too detailed about it ...
... I want to know who in my shoes would listen to the signals that a couple and others wanted you to call their 1-year-old daughter the "n" word on the internet as an ice breaker, that they believed it was like a way to make the word seem friendly so a problem wouldn't come up. I don't think anyone else would. I think if they were someone else doing what I did that there life would be much worse and they would call someone that in real life.
Everyone should match up to a famous celebrity...
I found Ellen DeGeneres is partly from where I'm partly from is what I'm talking about. Most famous people are from L.A. and NYC. I connect with Tim Burton being from L.A. because I'm from Florida and always lived in the south.
I wonder why people used to grow up so fastly.
That's too bad. Even if they had kids, they should live youthfully.
Some people don't understand I'm young.
I guess they've already lived their lives.
They don't know what I knew.
They don't know what I knew.
They keep copying other people!
Just because I thought a couple wanted me to call their 1-year-old daughter the "n" word online as an ice breaker. Why not get mad at them, instead, for doing that and trying to let their daughter know as though they didn't ask?
People keep acting like they're punishing me in a stimulating way. They are copying what other people do like a herd of sheep.
People keep acting like they're punishing me in a stimulating way. They are copying what other people do like a herd of sheep.
They've been adding their own twist, yet again.
...and getting involved in private things voluntarily.
People have been acting funny around me lately for some reason.
I just realized they were fixing a mistake in thinking, but some of it doesn't make sense. It really doesn't.
A Big Deal
So, I noticed certain people must make a big deal over a lot of things. Like, they back it up with a lot of ideas. I used to do that more. I don't know what happened!
Overly French
Why are young people today so avoiding the point? You're supposed to care both about that things seem more settled and that they're stimulating, you know in a good way.
I think I understand Ellen DeGeneres, now.
She doesn't act like that we all had to be movie stars as kids. She thinks even in old age it isn't right to have kids. I'm partly from where she's partly from. I know it's the kind of place where you hang around. You hang around and figure out stuff. You do real stuff. Things mean something. You get better and better from it. I was thinking you live your life and then by the time you're a young adult you marry and have kids. I guess I'm still living my life, but I don't think it will take me until I'm 50.
Cool and Disprespectful
Some people ultimately think they are cool and are disrespectful. Well, they are ultimately cool. They don't realize, though, that what they're into most is really worth something!
Movie Acting - More Things
I sometimes feel a sense of wanting others to get famous. I think we need to consider ourselves to infiltrate into becoming movie stars so people can start getting selected for big roles. I already put my stake on being the Wicked Witch of the West in The Wizard of Oz. Now, that's not so much to ask. I mean, think, a high quality actress willing to play a secondary role. Who'd appreciate it more???
I noticed I liked being in my room.
I have been at home not working for 6 years and out of school for 5 years. My brother has had a tight schedule of school and work, doing well, and he seems to want to sprawl out in the living area. I mean in a neat way, though, I guess.
Before, I liked going out. My room is the garage now, too, though, so I have room to pace and do stuff, like lots of room for singing and all my stuff fits etc.
It's nice to watch movies and be able to post on the computer, too. I don't know if sometime I'll want to watch this out in the living room, but I'm growing more attached to my room. I can't record "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" from in my room right now, though my dad wants me to be able to. So, I have to go to the living room to watch it.
I'm just here at home recovering. I'm feeling a lot better every day from my hectic schedule I've had for many years in my youth.
Before, I liked going out. My room is the garage now, too, though, so I have room to pace and do stuff, like lots of room for singing and all my stuff fits etc.
It's nice to watch movies and be able to post on the computer, too. I don't know if sometime I'll want to watch this out in the living room, but I'm growing more attached to my room. I can't record "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" from in my room right now, though my dad wants me to be able to. So, I have to go to the living room to watch it.
I'm just here at home recovering. I'm feeling a lot better every day from my hectic schedule I've had for many years in my youth.
Depressed
I still have to wait for my life to get perfect. I'm enjoying Grease, not trying to get it over with. I just really wanted to go to bed earlier. Also, it's cozy in my room. I started watching it in the living room before. I dunno. I just feel I have a lot to accomplish. This is my birthday week, too. I need to get cake.
So, I'm watching "Grease."
Even though my brother is in bed, I fear ghosts or something so am watching it in my room. I just saw another one today, actually, a big one.
Anyway, I might not watch it all now. I'm bored of the part with the adults, though usually I'm not.
Anyway, I might not watch it all now. I'm bored of the part with the adults, though usually I'm not.
Why take up 2-3 years of my life over nothing?
I mean, I thought someone wanted me to call their 2-year-old daughter the "n" word online as an ice breaker. If it's not supposed to be bad for me, why take 2 years? I know I've gotten far. Why can't people just realize I'm not guilty? I've had some good times. I guess I just have to improve this day by jogging again.
I mean, it just seems racist, the complications.
I mean, it just seems racist, the complications.
Part of the Problem Other Than My Declining Health
... was that some people wanted me to feel good about thinking the couple wanted me to call their 1-year-old daughter the "n" word online as an ice breaker and then the only thing they did after that was make sure I didn't feel good about it!
What's so bad about my European side?
I realize I'm different from my dad and his family. Some people seem to think if they had my mom that they would be perfect and never get in trouble. It's silly because I've always tried so hard not to get into trouble but was always twisted in whole life of the meaning of my earnestness, which was sincere and fun, even.
Is my one flaw not being European?
So, if someone who were not half Asian thought a couple wanted you to call their, I guess, 1-year-old daughter the "n" word online as an ice breaker and I guess because your dignity didn't matter in the end so it seemed to come up a lot ... then that person would be left alone by certain people? :'( That's nothing to be sad over. I just feel it's become a big deal, but I think people are realizing it's not as bad as death and definitely not as bad as torture. I don't know how bad torture can get, but I'm assuming harm comes in the middle of the 2 and death is the worst. I am worried about the facts because some people seem to would rather die than be derailed, which isn't that even why wars are fought? No one seems to have come to this point, yet, but me. I think the fact is that war is wrong. I am uncomfortable and pity the girl because she seemed to think what I did would be fun. No, I don't think my parents like that. They should have told me before. They could have. It's just not right. These things already matter, and this was really bad. :'( I just like lost my life. I don't deserve it. All I do now for fun is like post online and I am really thankful for "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" because I like it and it's interesting we've lived in the same area. I'm kind of sorting through things about what I did. Life can be hard, but it seems to be getting better for some reason. I like just being at peace alone in my room on my computer on the internet. I post on IMDb. I sing. I watch myself singing. I watch "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" and find it interesting all the time. I post on my blog. Anyway, the topic being not being mostly European, it just feels it's worse, which it always is. I just wonder if it would be totally okay with people if you were all white.
Something Asians Notice|Think
So, it's funny when people are under a certain illusion of the truth but don't seem to grasp the truth. I wonder how that slips away from their minds.
Eyes
I should be going to bed or I'll stay up and watch Grease.
Anyway, I think my eyes used to be different. I'm wondering if they always had the black lines in them. It's kind of a dominant trait on a recessive color. I've burned my eyes out to green. They were dark blue when I was little. Then, they got brown. As an adult, they're always green. I've been on the computer a lot, though.
It's funny how I ended up like this. I wonder if most people have more complex eyes than me, though. My hair looks light in the light often and dark otherwise. It's interesting, but I'm just not out in the day a lot. I don't know why I'm like this. It's changed colors throughout my life. It's pretty easy to get it to go light. It's just like that. I feel very different from blondes. I feel kinda in the middle about how fair my eyes are. I think I can easily connect with people with dark eyes, though.
Anyway, I think my eyes used to be different. I'm wondering if they always had the black lines in them. It's kind of a dominant trait on a recessive color. I've burned my eyes out to green. They were dark blue when I was little. Then, they got brown. As an adult, they're always green. I've been on the computer a lot, though.
It's funny how I ended up like this. I wonder if most people have more complex eyes than me, though. My hair looks light in the light often and dark otherwise. It's interesting, but I'm just not out in the day a lot. I don't know why I'm like this. It's changed colors throughout my life. It's pretty easy to get it to go light. It's just like that. I feel very different from blondes. I feel kinda in the middle about how fair my eyes are. I think I can easily connect with people with dark eyes, though.
Tonight
Okay, I'll be doing different things, maybe go to sleep a little early.
I'm not sure exactly all I'll be doing.
I'm not sure exactly all I'll be doing.
So...
So, people thought it was wrong that a couple wanted me to call their 2-year-old daughter the "n" word online as an ice breaker but not always thought that in the process.
I just realized something.
You're not supposed to do something if it's gonna make a worse effect. You might think it's practice. Really, it's possible not to mess up.
If I supposedly am so bad of a person ...
... to think a couple wanted me to call their 2-year-old daughter the "n" word online as an ice breaker ... I forget what I was gonna say. Oh, what am I gonna do? I think I'm dealing with my life and getting better all the time. I feel so bad, though, but I forgot what I was trying to solve. Ah. I feel like I'm on some sort of a spree.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
It's funny how, with stereotypes ...
... people are more concerned about getting nuances and habits down more than getting it right.
Why oh why does this always happen to me!?
I was very much a perfectionist, but people always picked into me to death thinking I wanted something. Maybe, they know I wasn't a perfect baby. Something awkward always happens to me. It's not fun. I wanted a real life experience.
Tomorrow Morning
I think I should call my grandma in the morning and wish her a Happy Mother's Day. I have a funny feeling about today. She seems to want it to be special for my mom and wondered why we called her all these years. She will assume I am asleep.
"The Ellen DeGeneres Show" - the Videos Online
I was looking at her website and looked under when it's on in your area.
http://ellen.warnerbros.com/about/whenitson.php
Underneath the map, it shows a link to watch videos
http://ellen.warnerbros.com/videos
and seems to show the shorter parts of her on her show.
http://ellen.warnerbros.com/about/whenitson.php
Underneath the map, it shows a link to watch videos
http://ellen.warnerbros.com/videos
and seems to show the shorter parts of her on her show.
Resurrecting|Reconstructing the Past
I'm wondering what I should have done differently in high school when I was 16. I already am over what happened when I was 14. Okay, this is what it would have been like. I used to write about this over and over! There are different details as to what happened.
APG = Advanced Placement | Gifted
H = Honors
1. English IV APG
2. Advanced Math | Trigonometry APG
3. American History H
4. Physics H
5. Foreign Language II
6. Talented Music
7. Talented Theater
activities: ballet
next year
I moved schools to take English V.
1. English V APH
2. Calculus APH
3. World History
4. Health | Civics
5. Religion IV
6. Free Period?
7. Free Period
8. Music School in New Orleans - (Classical) Music H
activities: ballet
College
1. Honors English I - 3
2. Honors History I - 3
3. Ballet Repertory - 3
4. Recital Hour - 0
5. Freshman Voice Lab - 0
6. Major Ensemble - 1
7. Minor Ensemble - 1
8. Voice - 2
9. Theory I - 4
___
17
:'( I don't know if things worked out for the best. I mean, I can kinda play the violin.
APG = Advanced Placement | Gifted
H = Honors
1. English IV APG
2. Advanced Math | Trigonometry APG
3. American History H
4. Physics H
5. Foreign Language II
6. Talented Music
7. Talented Theater
activities: ballet
next year
I moved schools to take English V.
1. English V APH
2. Calculus APH
3. World History
4. Health | Civics
5. Religion IV
6. Free Period?
7. Free Period
8. Music School in New Orleans - (Classical) Music H
activities: ballet
College
1. Honors English I - 3
2. Honors History I - 3
3. Ballet Repertory - 3
4. Recital Hour - 0
5. Freshman Voice Lab - 0
6. Major Ensemble - 1
7. Minor Ensemble - 1
8. Voice - 2
9. Theory I - 4
___
17
:'( I don't know if things worked out for the best. I mean, I can kinda play the violin.
So, some people think ...
... doing the arts in college is just talking about something everyone does, feel or something.
When I Was 16 in High School
My dad said I could just stay home and hang out because I was having a hard time though usually got all A's.
I had in my subconscious...
...the idea that I should just stay home and not go to college. It seems feasible that I get a part-time job because it's what people do. It's fun. In my station, I get more money. ... but, no, Orlando isn't friendly! In a way, it is, but when you really meet people it isn't often.
My Brother
Well, my brother is home from college. That's probably why. I have to steer away it seems. I have to change my schedule. I don't know how much I feel like watching TV, eating, or ironing when he's in the living room. Normally, it would be okay, but everything has been so different since moving to Orlando. I think it's because I had to quit college. I didn't work, but my brother did, too. People had treated me differently since I was kicked out of my major.
I usually get excited about calling my grandma on Mother's Day.
However, I don't think I should barge in, this year. I've been feeling mellow and just want time alone and with my family. I did enjoy calling her every day, but I think something has happened to me and I need to take a break. Maybe, one day, I'll be active and call her like every day again. It's sad to me, but I have problems.
Bad Words
So, for the past 2 1|2 years, I've been living about the fact that I just thought a couple wanted me to call their 2-year-old daughter the "n" word online as an ice breaker and to make the word seem fun. Someone should have told me, if they knew and didn't want me to do it and would hurt me if I did. I deleted it, anyway, pretty quickly, and have a feeling no one other than some close relationships in a way saw. I honestly think in a way there was nothing wrong with things like that, but now I know it just isn't necessary. I was kinda called the "n" word symbolically by the family, and they'd been at me, it seemed. I wouldn't go out of my way and bring up the word. I don't think it's okay, in a way, but for some reason it makes sense that I'm innocent. I was made to believe the father was online calling me bad things about my race replying I wasn't white. Supposedly, I'm supposed to accept that, though. That's what doesn't make sense. I accept things like that, now, but people sneer at me in sarcasm because I learned the hard way. Go ahead, please call me the "n" word and don't feel bad about it. It's bound to be what happens sooner or later. Better yet, I'll try to go on and hope nothing bad happens and don't recommend that curse words and words that mean "stupid" be used.
... and, then, some cakes and tea!
... Order what you will. There'll be no bill. It's complimentary.
My mom asked me to have Mother's Day cake, but I had to take a shower. Then, she asked me to have tea, when I was done. I'll have supper later, when my parents go to bed.
My mom asked me to have Mother's Day cake, but I had to take a shower. Then, she asked me to have tea, when I was done. I'll have supper later, when my parents go to bed.
YouTube
I've linked my old YouTube to my new YouTube. I might go around and link more sometime.
http://www.youtube.com/ChristinaXXBarrett
http://www.youtube.com/ChristinaXXBarrett
1 Chance
You know, no one else has benchmarks on how to treat me. For some reason, my brother seemed upset with me, and then I felt upset. Because I felt upset and a bad word came to mind, I think he's gonna start staying up even later, regularly. How annoying is that? I wish I could remember what made him upset. What's really annoying me is that everyone is giving me chances when they were mean 1st. I can't believe that people would all desert me, but I got more popular online. They don't know how to live and don't realize how they treat me. I realize I made a wrong move in spamming them, though. They were driving me insane not answering. I was at home with nothing to do and was too lame to work. The noises around me all bothered me. I guess I was crazy. I was addicted. It was kinda like forwarding, but how I wrapped it up was by saying I just didn't finish what I was saying. Sometimes, some people write more. It could be seen as making sense, but I'm just sorry I did it at least. Well, so, that's not the only problem I had...
Supper
I felt encouraged by my mom to stay up last night, though my dad was the one who said see you tomorrow though he said he's going out alone to pick out my new alarm clock. So, I caught up on sleep on a day I'm not on my meds. Next, my dad wants me on a small dosage every day. No one can force me to take it, technically, so I could just stop. I think my dad wants me off it gradually, as he said.
Anyway, it seems different now that my brother is here. I know I let him alone with my parents a lot. I guess this'll be 3 months in my room more, eating supper late and stuff, with maybe 1 or 2 breaks in between when my brother goes somewhere. I don't feel too funny about not having supper. I just don't understand why I didn't take a shower and do my nails. I probably would have gone to sleep, maybe, and woken up for Mother's Day supper, though the Mother's Day meal was yesterday. So, this isn't a great loss to me. I feel bad, but I think my family is okay. They care about my brother, too, and got him.
Anyway, it seems different now that my brother is here. I know I let him alone with my parents a lot. I guess this'll be 3 months in my room more, eating supper late and stuff, with maybe 1 or 2 breaks in between when my brother goes somewhere. I don't feel too funny about not having supper. I just don't understand why I didn't take a shower and do my nails. I probably would have gone to sleep, maybe, and woken up for Mother's Day supper, though the Mother's Day meal was yesterday. So, this isn't a great loss to me. I feel bad, but I think my family is okay. They care about my brother, too, and got him.
I just caught up on a lot of sleep.
For some reason, I feel uncomfortable around my family. I don't know why I didn't miss dinner. I know I have a feeling my family wants me in my room. My brother is home from college. He's going on some trips, though, I think. I feel funny about going out now. That shouldn't be, but it is. Sometime tonight, I'll have to scrub this kind of nail polish off I have. I have a lot of laundry to iron, too. My brother stayed up later, last night, as well, so I don't know when I'll be doing my stuff, exactly.
Ellen DeGeneres has ...
... German, English, and Irish, too. That reminds me of me mixed with French culture but having those muffin races.
So, what is it?
When I move a certain way, I'm guessing it stimulates you. Those are times when I am not stimulated.
Real New Orleans
I think Ellen DeGeneres is really like from New Orleans, from the area. You might think I have a strange look about me. I know her last name is French. I don't think she is all French on either side. I am far from it. I have Norwegian-French-Irish on my dad's dad's last name and dad's mom's last name, strangely enough. I feel more like I'm shaped like a bubble than a person. Being from Florida, it's like that.
The ... Story ... of ... My ... Life
You may think, hey, I'm a New Orleans girl. I lived in a suburb there for only 6 years plus college downtown for 2 years. The whole time, I wanted to hold onto being from Florida. There is a ripple of pain when you always are coming to terms with the fact that you as a person are not from New Orleans, though you're there. I don't know. Like, I know people from places other than Florida hold roots in certain places more. It's something like that, anyway. Who knows what would have happened if I did not will this. I was proud of being from Florida. You could tell how sarcastic I was when you asked where in the world I might be from. I don't know about Orlando, but Florida is pretty awesome. I do enjoy being in northeastern Florida, though I am not from there originally. I feel pressured in southeastern Florida from the jealousy. You know, there's a thing about being from southeastern Florida that is like being from up north. It's considered better than northeastern Florida, though northeastern Florida is considered better than anywhere else.
Aw, this was supposed to be a night for me to watch "Grease."
I ended up playing around with my accounts and watching the night go by doing different things.
My Photobucket
I was gonna get rid of the ads for $3, but I don't have any money on my card. I spent it on the vampire costume. I might be able to put money on it, today.
Behind My Back
People now act like they didn't, but I know they made the decision to go behind my back and not let me live life as well before in my relationships. Why not? It's there. I know I'm right, though.
If I already knew...
...the circumstance of thinking a couple wanted me to call their 2-year-old daughter the "n" word online to make the word seem fun, then what's there to teach me? I already have the benefit of knowing not to listen when people try to cut me short like that.
The message just wouldn't stop.
I was already crazy posting online to people I think stalking my habits.
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